Back at Square One

We're back at square one. I really thought we had chosen our life's path but this past Mother's Day weekend really proved to me that I am not ready to move on. It was a very emotional couple of days for me. Adding to the mix was my crazier than ever hormone levels, the fact that I turned 37 on May 7th and my ever-increasing waist line.

We hadn't completely stopped trying - I had been monitoring myself to figure out when I was ovulating but after two months in a row - still nothing. Which in the grand scheme of things is a huge problem. So we both decided it was time to (gulp) find a new doctor. (this will be doctor #4)

The first thing I did was search for a endocrinologist and luckily for me there were a few new ones in our network. On a whim I scrolled down looking at all of the various "specialists" and I came upon a "reproductive endocrinologist." Huh? I don't remember seeing that there before and none of my previous doctor's have ever mentioned or suggested it to me? (sigh)

There are a total of three reproductive endocrinologists in our network and two of them are in the same office at Loma Linda University. The other is in Riverside so I opted for the latter. I made our appointment, which surprisingly was easily scheduled within just a few days. We met with Dr. John Jacobson on May 24th at 2:30 pm.

Dr. Jacobson greeted us with a smile, shook our hand and asked the question - "What brings you both here?" What a loaded question! I literally felt my throat tighten and I knew I could have talked for hours and hours but I simply stated, "We want to know that we've tried everything to have a baby." He then went on to ask several other questions, he asked about the tests we'd taken, the medications, etc. etc. He then did an ultra sound and said that everything looked normal (other than the cysts in my ovaries.) He also said that he could see follicles in my ovaries, which he said was a good sign. (Yay!)

The thing that struck us both was that he took his time to answer every single question and then he took even more time to explain PCOS. He said that the medication that I had been taking - metformin is not a solution, it's more like a band-aid and in my case, it's not even working. He then gently asked the question, "Has anyone ever talked to you before about your lifestyle?" (I knew this was coming) I told him yes (I am sure with a smirk) but he even made that whole subject clearer to me telling me, "It's not about losing weight to have a baby, it's about making better choices and living a healthier lifestyle."

Truthfully, at first I was sort of annoyed because I kept thinking, "but there are lots of overweight women out there having babies just fine!" but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that this is not about everyone else, this was about me and my poor choices. He then handed me a handout cleverly titled, "Nutrition Prescription" instead of "diet." (very smart man)

So the next step is to wait for all of my records to be sent over to his office. He'll then determine what tests, if any, he will request of me. Then once he has reviewed everything, we will meet again to go over his recommended action plan. Leo and I both agreed that we liked Dr. Jacobson and we are very optimistic. (and feeling much more like a team in all of this as a result)

I went to the gym last night for the first time in months and I started the recommended G.I. Diet - similar to the mediternean diet on Tuesday. (Basically, no sugar) I am keeping a daily food journal to keep track of what I am eating. I cut out all beverages, except water of course. Coffee was and still is a biggee for me (I miss it so) but it's only been two days and I must say, I am already feeling much better. I am also doing my best to find more balance in my life. (this is a constant goal for me that seems very hard to obtain at times...but I am sure it's just a part of life today in this day and age, right?)

I am hopeful and determined to do whatever it takes to be healthy, feel better and hopefully the best gift of all would be for me not only to be able to get pregnant but stay pregnant. I am sure this is the first of many posts on the subject - it really is cathartic for me to write about this normally very private matter. It sort of makes it all real for me so that I can't continue to keep putting it on the back burner. Thank you to all of you for your constant love and support thus far. We both really appreciate it more than you know.

Please pray for us both as we move past square one.