Hold On To Hope

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Sometimes I wonder what life would have been like had I given up. That's quite an opening statement, I know but this basic question has been on my mind for days now and I'm not even sure why. Things on the new-mom front are going overall really well. Jacob and I have sort of eased into a easy-going schedule and I couldn't feel more happy and fulfilled. 

Today, at 7 weeks old he is a pretty active baby - he loves more than anything to be bounced on my lap.
I know that sounds a bit crazy for his age but true. He's smiling and coo-ing a lot more now and he is so much more aware of his surroundings. I still watch him in awe when he's not looking, wondering what he's thinking about at that very moment.

The other day I noticed that his legs are too long for him to lay on my lap facing me and  he's already getting too big to take baths in the kitchen sink - when did this happen? He's growing so fast and yet, I still wonder - what if I had given up?

I wouldn't have his hands to hold or his feet to tickle. I wouldn't be able to smell the top of his head or watch him smile when I say aaa-booo! I wouldn't be able to witness all of the milestones that have already happened or the ones just in sight. Jacob is growing every day and every day I am reminded that dreams do come true - you just have to hold on to hope.

I know - easier said than done. I waited a long time for Jacob so I know that it can be a difficult, stressful and painful road but through the waiting, the hoping and the praying, I was able to figure out who I really was and what I was willing to go through to make my dream a reality and in the end, it was all worth it. Every doctors visit and medical test, every injection and blood draw, every hour spent researching and investigating and every last ovulation and pregnancy test. (and there were probably hundreds)   

  

Hope is a funny thing - sometimes it seems elusive but then when the one thing you always wanted happens, it instantly becomes tangible and you wonder why you doubted hope all along.

Enjoy the Day! 

Missy 

Being Thankful

Jacob has a cold. I had hoped to keep him healthy for at least a couple of months but I came down with a sore throat and sniffles on tuesday night so I suppose it was only a matter of time before he caught it. Poor baby. I called his pediatrician to arm myself with some much needed advice before heading into the weekend but was informed that we really can't give him any medicine: only vicks vapor rub and a humidifier to ease the congestion and of course, we will be monitoring his temperature.

It's still hard to believe that Jacob's finally here. When I go to sleep every night and when I wake up every morning, he's the first person I think about. He's all I can think about these days. (I hope all of you can hang in with me and resist un-following me to get away from the constant "Jacob babble.") I just can't help it - he's so easy to fall in love with, with his big brown eyes, chubby cheeks and button nose. He's smiling more and more every day and my favorite thing this week has been when he falls asleep with his head on my shoulder, his body all curled up like a ball. This must be what pure joy feels like.

The cozy recliner we bought for his room has finally arrived - we plan to pick it up from Babies R Us this weekend. I'm really looking forward to the time Jacob and I will spend in it, rocking and reading to him just before bed time. I hope to grow his book collection for just this reason. I loved reading as a child and still do to this day. It's sort of a passion of mine that started very early for me so I'd love to pass it on to him.

Thanksgiving is less than a week away and I'm looking forward to spending time with family. This year I have SO much to be thankful for, I almost feel guilty because I really couldn't ask for anything more. I've got the guy, the house and now the beautiful baby boy. Even still, it's impossible for me to forget about those who are still struggling to conceive. I continue to pray that their dream of being a mom will come true very, very soon. 

Christmas will be here before we know it. I keep pondering the idea of decking the halls for Jacob's first christmas but the task is not an easy one. It typically takes me a full day so the idea of doing it all in one day this year is nearly impossible. So the question is, do I brave the feat and do it over a couple of days while he naps? or just forego the decking of the halls altogether this year? I'm still not sure but will need to make a decision soon to make it worthwhile. There's nothing worse than feeling as though you had just put the decoration up only to take them all down.

Only one thing will be missing this holiday season and that is my mom's presence. As some of you may already know, she lives in Utah but it's times like these when I wish she still lived in California. Truth be told, I am (secretly) hoping her hubby will give in and send her to California for a few days even if it is just before or after Christmas but I'm also preparing myself in case it doesn't happen.

Well, I guess I am done rambling for one day. I leave you all with my thankful list for 2011 and if I don't post again before then, I want to wish you a very Happy Thanksgiving and as always, thank you for listening (reading)!

This year, I am thankful for:

1. My husband - An amazing provider who also happens to be my very best friend
2. My baby boy - you are truly a miracle and I couldn't imagine loving you any more than I already do!
3. My mom - for giving us so many wonderful family traditions that I look forward to sharing with Jacob
4. My family - for your love, encouragment and support

5. My friends - for the laughter and joyful memories
6. My fellow blogger friends - for inspiring me never to give up and to always hold on to hope!
7. My cats - because they bring us so much joy
8. My home - of twelve years that is filled to the brim with love, warmth and great memories

9. My job - because it allows me to be me: organized, creative, crafty and a little bit of a control freak!
10. EDD - because without it, I wouldn't be able to stay home with Jacob until January 3rd!
  

Enjoy the Weekend! 

Missy    

One Month

It's hard to believe that Jacob will be one month old tomorrow. Someone pinch me -I have a one month old who is currently sleeping soundly just a couple feet away.

I am also SO very happy and a little relieved to report that I am officially (almost) back to normal. Sure, I'm still tired half the time but sleep deprived, I'm not anymore and my hormones seem to be better balanced. No more crying fits. No more feeling completely overwhelmed.

The week that Leo went back to work was scary but as the days passed, I felt more and more confident in my ability to care for Jacob's needs. I even braved our first trip out of the safety of our home by attending a Mom's Group meeting. Afterwards, we headed to Babies R Us to pick up some more formula. All in all, it was a successful trip and I was so glad I did it. It felt great to be able to share Jacob's birth story with the other moms and to hear their stories.

Now, as we head into the one month mark, our day-to-day schedule is slowly but surely coming together and I am definitely able to navigate better through the day's events. (Yay Me!) Bathtime is definitely by far one of my favorite events of the day. I typically bathe him in the kitchen sink because it's the perfect size and it has a window that overlooks the backyard. As soon as I get the temperature just right, I place him in the bubbly water and his whole body immediately relaxes. He kicks his legs as if he is trying to swim, staring out the window, sucking on his tiny little fingers. I love it.

Jacob had his very first doctor's appointment two weeks ago and he was given a clean bill of health. He also weighed in at a healthy 8 lbs. 7 oz. and I'm sure he's gained even more weight since then. We've had several visitors stop by to meet baby Jacob over the past few weeks. I try to take a picture of them holding Jacob for his scrapbook and I also plan to take a picture of him every month leading up to his first birthday to document the changes in him that we are bound to miss or overlook over the next year.

We also received his social security and his medical insurance card in the mail. I literally stared at his social security card, tracing his name with my finger trying to soak it all in. It still amazes me that my little bean is finally here. I have a son and tomorrow he will be one-month old. So perfect and still so new.

A Joyful Mess

Photo by: True Emotions Photography

The first two weeks were filled with lots and lots of firsts.

The first diaper change, the first bath, the first smile (most likely caused by gas) and the first of many photos. But the one thing that surprised me the most was how overwhelming it felt at times. No doubt, my hormones were a mess and I'm sure lack of sleep played a part as well but nothing could have prepared me for the vast array of feelings and never-ending questions I'd have those first two weeks.

My Mom helped a great deal by answering my random but still very important (to me) questions but my feelings on the other hand were sometimes difficult to address. I just felt terribly overwhelmed, inadaquate, scared and unsure of my ability to care for this little baby boy. In hind-sight, I did a pretty darn good job figuring out when he was hungry or needing a diaper change right from the start but at the time, I second guessed myself a lot, even despite Jacob's apparent contentment.

I also cried at the drop of a hat, no matter what time of day or night and once I got started, I found it was very difficult to stop. And each time, I'd feel SO terribly guilty because I kept thinking, "I should be the happiest Mom on the planet right now - why am I crying?" This question would undoubtedly make me cry even more.

I cried when my Mom had to go back to Utah and when Leo had to go back to work. And most especially when I ran into breastfeeding issues. (The kind volunteer at the Healthy Beginnings Clinic had to console me for 15-minutes after she asked the very simple question, "How was your weekend?")

Thankfully, in between the tears, I have also had many, many moments of pure happiness. Like that first night when I spent hours just staring at him from my bed side. The first time Leo held him and the pride I felt just watching them in the moment. The adorable way he sighs when he's eating, as if it's the best meal he's ever had and the first time I caught a glimpse of a smile on his adorable little face. The first time he clutched my finger tightly, his tiny little fingers curled ever so carefully and the very first time he feel asleep in my arms.

Truth be told, being a new Mom is scary. Probably because I don't have any past experiences to fall back on and and it's easy to fear the unknown because we waited so long for him. I can't imagine enduring a serious illness or even worse, losing him. So I just pray to God that he stays healthy and happy and in time, I am sure my confidence in taking caring of him will improve. Sleep is still difficult these days but thankfully, as we round out the middle of our third week together, I am finally starting to feel like myself again - happy and optimistic.

Nothing can really prepare you for the host of emotions you feel when giving birth to your first-born. I thought I had done my due dilligence. Boy, was I wrong. But even still, it is all worth it to have this little bundle of joy to swaddle, bathe, dote on and love unconditionally. He truly IS my heart and I thank God every day for his presence in our ever-changing life.

I suppose the tears were inevitable but they always eventually dry up and are soon replaced with feelings of pure love and joy for my little boy who has made me a humble, joyful mess.

A joyful mess = I'll take it...and own it!

Enjoy the Day!

Missy

October 17, 2011: Jacob's Birth Story

My water broke at 5:20 a.m.

Leo was already awake and downstairs getting ready for work. At first I found myself second-guessing myself, worrying that it was just a false alarm but it wasn't long before I started to feel menstrual like cramping so I went downstairs to tell Leo that it was time. He immediately jumped into action, telling me not to worry, that he would grab my things and put them in the car while I took a quick shower.

I called my Mom on the way to the hospital - she sounded a little startled and unsure about what she should do - drive or fly from Utah? But a few hours later she called to tell me that she was boarding a plane to California. I was SO happy to hear her say that. I really wanted her to be there for me and for Jacob.
 
By the time we arrived to the hospital, my contractions were already fifteen minutes apart and we were immediately taken to a temporary room where a wonderful nurse by the name of Denise came to my rescue. She was so kind and encouraging - she kept reminding me that this is what I had been waiting for over and over, which helped me get through the pain. After a quick examination, we were told that my cervix was only at a one but since my water had broke, they would admit me. (yay!)

Soon after that, we took a thirty minute walk, stopping every few minutes so that I could breath through a contraction. A few minutes after getting back into bed, I was checked again and was told that I had already progressed to a four. Then three hours later, I had progressed to a six. Leo was amazing - my rock for sure - he stayed by my side the whole time encouraging me to breath through the contractions and offering his hand when I needed it. At this point, I opted for an epidural, which made the rest of my laboring feel like a breeze.

By 5pm, I was told that I was at a ten and ready to push - we just needed to wait for my doctor to arrive. Most of Leo's family and my family had arrived by this point and they all came in to say a quick hello before heading to the waiting room. A few minutes after 5pm, my Mom arrived - just in time.

I started pushing at 6:20pm and at 6:55 pm, Jacob Mario Hernandez made his entrance into the world. I was shocked to say the least, I just couldn't believe that he was here. For some reason, I thought it would take much longer than it did but as soon as I heard his cry, I burst into tears. Mom, of course, cried too. The doctor had Leo cut the umbillical cord and then Jacob was placed on my chest for a few magical minutes; his eyes were wide open and I was able to get him to settle down a bit before they took him to get him cleaned up, weighed and measured.

Soon after that, he was back on my chest, warm and happy. We both were. And my heart (finally) felt whole again. Nine years of wishing, praying, crying, dreaming and hoping had paid off and our miracle baby boy was here in my arms. After about an hour, family started to come in to the room to meet and hold Jacob, one by one. My sisters both cried as soon as they walked in the door, which brought back tears of joy for me too. It just felt like such a magical moment.

At one point, Leo was holding Jacob and I immediately thought about the two babies we had lost on this journey. I had always wondered what they would have looked like and more than anything, I had always felt like I cheated Leo out of the chance to be a father. I would often daydream about him holding them both, one in each arm - a proud Dad with his two kids but now I wasn't dreaming anymore. The image of Leo holding Jacob completely filled my heart up with pure joy and the heartache and pain susbsided.

I'm also comforted knowing that Jacob is being protected by his two older siblings who are up in heaven and one fine day, I will get to meet them, hug them and tell them just how much I love them. For now though, Jacob is my number one priority. Even as I sit here typing away, Jacob is sleeping on my lap - he looks so peaceful and content and I can't help but think how terribly fitting because that is exactly how I feel at this moment.

At Peace and Content.

P.S. Throughout the day we received countless text messages from family, co-workers and friends. It was such an amazing outpour of love that we both truly appreciated. Thank you so much for your love and support. We love each and every one of you!

This song probably best describes the road that led up to this moment.

Our Long Awaited Miracle

Jacob Mario
Born: October 17, 2011 at 6:55 p.m.
Weight: 7 lbs. 8 oz.
Length: 20 inches

Thank you for your love, support and prayers! 

Enjoy the day!
Missy

A Whim, a True Story and a Favor

On a whim, I decided to check my blogger account tonight to catch up on some reading before going to bed. As I scanned the recently published posts via my dashboard, I noticed one that I hadn't yet read from one of my favorite bloggers turned friends, Miss Conception.

The post was titled, "20 Weeks: All Gone" and my heart immediately dropped into my stomach. Miss C and her husband underwent IVF a few months ago and were pregnant with twins. The post was short but in it she lovingly announced the passing of their son and daughter on October 12th. Of course the tears are back and even as I sit here typing away, my heart aches for them - for the pain they must be enduring right now and for the heartache they will undoubtedly experience over the next few weeks, months and even years.

More than anything though, I am feeling SO much frustration and anger. And not at God, for some strange reason. Yes, it is extremely difficult to understand his plan for this amazing couple and the questions that are bound to naturally linger on everyone's mind is, "Why did this happen?" and "For what purpose?"

It's difficult to find purpose in something so tragic and painful. But more so, I'm angry because there are SO many people out there that have no idea what it feels like to have to struggle and go through gutt-wrenching situations like this one in order to one day have a family.

People who joke outwardly about how easy it was for them to get pregnant, people who accidentally get pregnant and then complain about the consequences they face and people who choose to abuse, neglect and abandon their children. Then I think about the countless children in foster care and group homes who just want be loved and taken care of and I wish to God that things were different.

We as women need to come to the realization that pregnancy is not a given or even a birth right. It may feel that way to most but I guarantee that if you spent some time reading a few blogs written by women who have been trying for years to get pregnant, suffering through not one, two or even three miscarriages but five, six or more, you'd have a completely different perspective.

Before I met these women, I felt lost and alone. Isolated from most of my loved ones and friends and not because they didn't care but because they didn't fully understand. And not because they didn't want to understand but because they hadn't experienced what I had. I thank God that these women made the decision to share their story. Because of them, I was finally able to find my footing and gain the strength I needed to continue hoping. I also felt better because I had the support of others who had gone through the exact thing I had.

Their stories were mine and my story was theirs.

I'd like to thank them for giving me the strength to get here:

Cherish This Baby
Infertility Overachievers
My Strand of Pearls
Fearfully. Wonderfully.
Hannah Wept - Sarah Laughed.

Lastly, I'd like to ask a favor - please say a prayer for my friend, Miss C and her husband and also for the countless women who are struggling to not only get pregnant but to keep their pregnancy and remember: pregnancy isn't a birth right - It's a miracle. Cherish your children - hug and kiss them every chance you get and never miss an opportunity to spend quality time with them. Tell them how much you love them and appreciate what they bring into your life: the good, the bad and the ugly.

I love you Miss C and will be praying for you and your husband as you go through this very difficult time. I am here if you need anything - anything at all.

Love,
Missy

Me at 39 Weeks & 6 Days: Joyful

I'm 39 weeks and 6 days as of today and so far, I haven't had any pre-labor signs. At my doctor's appointment this past Monday, the doctor evaluated me to determine whether or not inducing me would be appropriate at this point. Without going into details, let's just say that the answer was no. So! I've been keeping myself busy with little projects around the house and I've been spending far too much time on pinterest - my newest fave website.

(check out my "pins" here)

For the usual reasons, I haven't been sleeping well at night but overall, I am feeling really good, especially throughout the day. No unusal food cravings to speak of and my weight has been in check this whole time, which I am very happy about. (I've only gained 21 pounds) The only other thing I've been trying to grapple with is the emotional rollercoaster I seem to be on. One minute I'm fine and the next I'm grabbing the box of tissues. I am sure it's normal at this stage - plus there are just so many emotions going on inside this complicated brain of mine.

The good news is, Jacob is almost here. I keep telling myself that over and over. The wait is nearly over - thank you, God. No more wishing, hoping and praying. He is on his way to me. That fact makes everything else seem so small and insignifigant. The past few days have been quiet but in my mind and in my heart, I have been celebrating. It feels as though a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders because I don't have to wait, wonder and worry anymore and my heart is filled to capacity with joy.

I guess that would be the best way to describe how I am feeling today at 39 weeks and 6 days pregnant: Joyful

Enjoy the Day!
Missy

Final Preparations, An Admission & A Gift

This weekend has been a very productive one - probably because it's the weekend before my due date. (Can you believe it? I know I can't) Yesterday we found the perfect chocolate brown curtains and a matching curtain rod. (The curtains were on clearance for $14.99 each at Bed, Bath & Beyond - score!) Then today Leo put together the last of the items that needed assemblying, including the adorable mobile for the crib that mom bought, which brings me to an admission that I had been avoiding.

You know how I had decided on the vintage mickey mouse theme for Jacob's nursery? Well....I sort of changed it...again. But for very good reason. When Leo and I went to the store to look at a floor model of the mickey bedding, I was really disappointed with the quality, especially the stitching. It literally looked like it would only last a handful of washes and the colors weren't as rich as they had appeared online. In hind-sight I really believe that it had to be Winnie the Pooh, for many reasons.

Winne the Pooh was the theme for my nursery when I was a baby and also the theme my mom used for my little brother's nursery years later. (mom obviously loves Winnie the Pooh) And finally, it was also the theme that I had picked out the first time I got pregnant. Not to mention, I've been collecting it for years. So...naturally, it seems to be the very best choice. Here is an image taken this morning of the crib - cute? don't you think?

As soon as we have the curtains installed and a few more finishing touches up on the walls, I will be sure to post some more photos. Notice the strategically placed blanket - this is my poor attempt to hide the scratches - sort of an out of sight, out of mind strategy. Lol! I'm sure once Jacob is here, I won't even notice them but for now, the blanket is doing the trick just fine.

I can't believe Halloween is just around the corner - Jacob's first. It's easy now to allow myself to think of all the many firsts Leo and I will finally be able to look forward to like Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and of course his very first birthday. I'm sure none of you will be surprised to hear that I'm already thinking of themes for this very special day. What a trip life is. One day your wishing and dreaming for something to happen and then it well...happens. Of course there was lots of prayer, birthday wishes, sleepless nights and a whole lot of tears but it was all worth it.

Leo and I spent nine years of our marriage hoping for a son or daughter and we never could have imagined that it would have taken us this long but what I am most proud of was that we didn't let our hopes and most importantly, the set-backs get the better of us. We not only prevailed, we managed to fit in a whole lot of living life to the fullest, too. We took vacations and last-minute day trips, experienced new foods and made new friends, and we created a great deal of memories that I will cherish forever.

Our life before Jacob will not represent a part of our marriage that was dark, maybe a bit dim at times, but overall, it has been 12 years of living, learning, growing stronger in our love for eachother and most importantly, preparing. I definitely wouldn't waste another second wishing and hoping things had been different because for me, it's easier to believe that this is exactly how it was supposed to happen. Truth be told, it makes me feel as though I have been given a HUGE gift wrapped in a brightly colored bow. And who could turn away such a beautiful gift? Certainly, not me.

Enjoy the day!
Missy

Pinterest: Eat, Drink & Be Scary

I spent some time today on my new favorite website: Pinterest.com - if you are a visual person like me and you love recipes, crafty party ideas, organizing or style tips, or if you just want to find a really great quote, you are going to LOVE this website.

Basically, it is a virtual pinboard and a really great way to organize the things that you have stumbled on online, whether through your favorite cooking blog, shopping or entertaining websites or anywhere else you find yourself on the world wide web.

Here are just a few things that caught my eye for fall and Halloween: 

Natalie: The Busy Budgeting Momma - Halloween DIY Party Details 
Homemade Salted Caramel Mocha Latte
S'Mores Cookie Bars
Honeycrisp Apple Sangria
Brown Sugar Pound Cake
My Favorite Part in the Movie, The Help
Cookies & Cream Cupcakes
Salted Chocolate Caramel Pretzel Bark
A Really Great Quote from Steve Jobs
Chocolate Pumpkin Cake
Cream Cheese Lemon Bars
Fall Bucket List
15 Reasons to Fall In Love with Fall
Red Lobster Cheddar Muffin Recipe

To check out some of my other "pins," click here

Kitty Issues & The Not-So-Little Episode

Image Credit: Binary Rock

I think Quincy is feeling neglected. Every morning I wake up to a pile of toilet paper on the bathroom floor and yesterday while I was putting clothes away in Jacob's room, he attempted to jump on to the crib and failed miserably causing several large gashes in the beautiful espresso colored wood. I about died - I know - seems overly dramatic, even for me, but I literally (brace yourself for yet another episode) broke down into tears. Again.

Before you jump to conclusions because I know it will be easy to do at this point, first let me just say that the crib is perfectly brand new, lovingly purchased by my Mom and Step-Dad. And Leo had just put it together not more than two days ago. He positioned it in the perfect spot in the nursery and I was in the process of putting on the freshly washed sheets. It was pristine and so....perfect.

That was probably a very poor attempt to get you to see why I reacted the way I did but unfortunately, it doesn't end there - it gets worse. Can any of you guess what my next move was? That is after the crying and yelling directed at Quincy. I called Leo in tears. Again. Poor Leo - he must think his wife's body has been overtaken by aliens at this point because every time I call, I'm either crying or frustrated. This not-so-little episode definitely takes the cake. 

Again, he calmed me down telling me that it can be fixed and that even if it couldn't be, the crib is just that - a crib. And again, I felt silly. It still took me over an hour before I could even look at Quincy, much less pet him, tell him everything was okay and how sorry I was for getting upset with him. (Yes, my cat and I have one-sided conversations from time to time) And trust me, he heard me because as soon as I finished, he went straight for his food bowl.
(Quincy is an emotional eater, just like his Mommy)

I keep using the words, "lesson learned" but with this issue, I think it's pretty obvious that I have a long way to go and it is going to be harder than I thought. Not because I don't want to change this about myself but because for me, it really is a knee-jerk reaction. Plus, I have to believe that my raging hormones are a large contributing factor at this point. (I sincerely hope)

On a more positive note, I finished the "baby laundry" yesterday. Jacob's bag is packed and my bag is about 75% ready. Just need to put a bag together for Leo. I even have a bag of goodies for the nurse's station - in hopes that I can "sweeten" them up. Yes, I am one smart cookie when I want to be. Today, I need to make one more trip to Target, hopefully without incident and then I can officially say, I'm ready."

As usual, thank you for (still) listening. I'm sure this subject will come up again. And again. But hopefully not for awhile. For both our sakes. And Leo's. :)

Enjoy the Day!

Missy

Me at 38 weeks and 3 days

Confession: I've been feeling really nervous, anxious and maybe a tad bit overwhelmed over the past two days. Last night I nearly had a panic attack while I was laying in bed because all of the things I hadn't finished yet  kept swirling around in my head. Finally, after thirty minutes, I resorted to surfing the web for over an hour before trying to go back to bed.

I've also been keeping myself really busy lately. Since my last day at work, we've had the entire house recarpeted and the grout in our tile floors steam cleaned and sealed, which naturally resulted in a great deal of furniture moving and rearranging, stuff purging and deep cleaning. Plus, in between, I've made several trips to Target and Babies r Us because as soon as I get home, I remember a host of additional items that I was supposed to pick-up.

I've also had a couple of melt-downs, the most recent occurrence was at a Target customer service counter. Long story short - I was frustrated, tired and beyond consoling. As soon as I walked out on to the sales floor and I got Leo on the phone, I was in tears. Now it seems very silly, of course, but in the moment, I just needed to let it out. I'm sure everyone around me thought I was crazy but then again, maybe the protruding belly was a good enough explanation. (I hope.)

I guess the anxiety comes from me being worried that I'm going to screw this up - being a new Mom. My high expectations coupled with the years and years of dreaming about this chapter in my life makes me doubt whether or not I can be the kind of Mom I have always envisioned I could be. Tons of questions keep popping up like, will I be able to stop and smell the roses when he is finally here or will I continue to keep myself so busy with the tiny, insignifigant things.

We all know that I tend to obsess over the little things and I can't explain why - even now, at age 38. I do however (thankfully) have moments, sometimes even long stretches of time when I am able to check myself and really enjoy life but often times I get sucked back in to the details again. Leo was the one who brought me back to reality today. He told me that I needed to relax - that even if Jacob came today, the items on my check-off list wouldn't matter. They would be insignificant. He couldn't be more right.

Even now as I take the time to process and reflect on all of this, I guess I tend to obsess about the little things when I'm feeling nervous and anxious and most especially when I am dealing with change. With less than two weeks left in my pregnancy, I suppose it is safe to say that I'm feeling nervous and anxious over what's in store for us and especially for me, as Jacob's primary caretaker. I'm really hoping that my maternal instincts kick-in but also I'm counting on Jacob to teach me a few things, too.

I also need to cut myself some slack and focus my attention on the things that do matter, like feeling Jacob kick away in my tummy and the little time Leo and I both have together as a couple before our life completely changes. And to enjoy the quietness of the house with Leo asleep upstairs and the cats curled up at my feet. Thank goodness for moments of clarity and for this outlet - my blog - a place where I can vent freely, process and just be me at 38 weeks and 3 days pregnant.

Dissaray, Entitlement and Gaining Perspective

This morning I decided to take a break from getting my house back in order after getting new carpet installed yesterday. As I logged into facebook, I was feeling really overwhelmed by the amount of work still needing to be done until I saw the above image on my news feed and I immediately felt silly and selfish. My issue of having a house in dissaray seems non-existent in comparison to the countless people out there who live every day without adequate food, clothing and shelter.

It also reminds me of a conversation I had with a friend a few days ago. She is having problems with her 29-year old daughter who just recently quit trade school without any explanation and moved back home - no job and no car. My friend's life was completely turned upside down in a matter of days because her daughter decided she didn't want to be a grown up anymore. She was back to expecting her laundry done, her shopping list not only paid for but picked up and her meals cooked and plate washed after every meal.

This apparently freed her up not to go out and look for a job but to shop on her mom's dime and party till all hours of the night, then sleep all day. My friend loves her daughter very much so she gives in every time, thinking she is only doing what a parent should do but I have to wonder (despite my lack of experience) is this the right thing to do? Is she teaching her daughter anything by doing everything for her? Enabling her to continue wasting her life away partying and sleeping all day?

We all have a tendency to forget that it is OUR life after all, nobody else's and entitlement for some reason seems to be running rampant these days. "You are my Mom - therefore you should ALWAYS support me." This is a very large pill for me to swallow - it just doesn't seem right and where does the feeling of entitlement come from? I can tell you that from what I have seen, it can cause a great deal of guilt, anguish and stress for any mother who loves their child.

I wish I could help my friend more - all I could really do is listen and offer my encouragement and support. I wish we all could pay more attention to those who have very little or nothing at all instead of focusing our attention to the material things we want and worse yet, forcing those closest to us to adhere to our wishes and wants. Life isn't about the things we posess, it's about the relationships we build, the memories we create and the obstacles we overcome.

When others do for us, we miss out on the feeling of real accomplishment. When we've done something all by ourselves - regardless of the work, blood, sweat and sometimes tears - the things we work hardest for are usually the same things that reap the best rewards. It's easy to lose sight of this especially when you are in the trenches and feeling completely overwhelmed but it is possible to pull ourselves out of the situation long enough to gain some persepective, like the image above that was posted on somebody's wall this morning.

I'm glad that I took the time to log in to facebook because I see now how silly my feelings were - perspective gained by one powerful image. It's easy to look away and toss the lesson to be learned aside, especially when the image is not a happy one, but in my experience, you usually gain so much more.

How does this image change the way you see your current situation or life?

Enjoy the Day!

Missy

Our Village

Hello All!

It's been a busy couple of weeks - full of work, lamaze classes (finished the last class last night), doctor's appointments (we're seeing Dr. C once a week now), more work and baby prepping errands. I also had two more baby showers bringing our final shower count to five. I know this is not the norm but I'm definitely not complaining. Instead, we are both feeling really, really loved.

The first shower was hosted by Leo's coworkers - it was great to see some old faces and also to meet several new ones. For those of you who don't know this, I used to work where Leo is currently employed so it was strange to be back in the building again...strange but also really nice and familiar. (if that makes any sense at all) I was immediately overwhelmed by the number of people who took time out of their busy work day to come and support us through kind and encouraging words and thoughtful gifts.

The second shower was hosted last Saturday by my mom, sisters and nieces. I think it is safe to say that Jacob now has a closet full of clothes, nicely organized by size, at least a dozen blankets, some hand made and others store bought. One in paticular, I will cherish forever. It was given to me by my Mom and it was made with material that she had literally held on to for years - since my little brother Mario was born. She had purchased it for Mario's Winnie the Pooh themed nursery but when he got sick, the material was never used. Instead, she held on to it...until now.

Of course, as soon as I read the card that explained all of this, the tears came. First, I felt sad - for my Mom's pain at that time and for her loss, even now. Then I felt sad because the reality is, Jacob will never know who my brother was with his comedic personality and his great big heart. But then in a blink of an eye, my heart felt really full and I felt nothing but love. Love for my Mom - for choosing Jacob to receive this memory filled and heart felt gift and for my sisters and nieces for all of the carefully thought out details and the hard work that went into this shower.

I am officially 37 weeks pregnant and excited with anticipation of Jacob's arrival. This past Friday was my last day at work and I am definitely planning on taking advantage of this time to organize and prepare but also to relax and rest up for what promises to be a very different life for Leo and I. I'm ready - without a doubt in my mind. I'm not nervous or scared. I've had a long time to think, prepare, enlist help, ask questions and get answers. I know that parenting isn't black and white. It's doing what feels right and ensuring that everything you can do, you make a point to do.

In the last few months, Leo and I have come to realize that we have been blessed with an amazing circle of family and friends - a village of people who have been there for us, from day one and we will probably never be able to fully describe how thankful we are for each and every one of you for your love, support and thoughfulness. I guess that is what they mean by it taking a village to raise a child = our village is definitely made up of people who we love, cherish and respect - what more do we need?

Jacob's Parents

Image provided by Ravenessences

I've been having more than my usual share of random thoughts lately. Like wondering that color eyes Jacob will have, will he be a lefty or a righty, will he have his Dad's smile or mine or more importantly, where will we draw the line in the sand with regards to disciplining him.

I've also been thinking a great deal about the things I want to instill in him - to ensure that he will be a beautiful person inside and out. And not just to the people he is naturally drawn to but to everyone he comes into contact with. This includes the people who will challenge him, offend him and even anger or upset him because I truly believe that being "ugly" to someone will only further aggravate the situation and absolutely nothing good can come out of it.

I want Jacob to be respectful of others; respectful of their religious preferences and their lifestyles. I want him to see that the best way to live your life is to lead by example, not by judging others or throwing stones. I want him to be a happy child, confident and filled with the belief that he can do anything he puts his mind to. For him to feel loved always but also to feel secure enough to go out into the world - when it is time - to live his own life, find his life's passion and enjoy all of the experiences out there waiting for him.

I want him to feel good about his upbringing, knowing that we did the best we could and for him to do the same with his own children. I want him to play fair and take a loss like anyone should - with grace. When he is old enough, I want him to be aware that their are children out there who don't have what he has -
forget the cell phone, the WII games or the nike shoes - kids who don't even have a roof over their heads and food to eat.

I want Jacob to do whatever suits him - whether it is sports or joining clubs and organizations at school or just spending time with his friends. Or not. Because Jacob will have choices. Some of the basic choices, we will make for him, especially early on but when he is old enough, it will be up to him to decide. Of course, we'd love to see him go to College but if it's not in the cards, again, we will respect his decision because only he can decide what is best for him.

All of these things are important to me. I've lived my life a certain way partly because it is in my nature but also because I believe that my parents, relatives, friends and co-workers instilled these things in me over the years. I want the very same for Jacob - constantly inspired and motivated by those around him to do more, live life to it's fullest and learn from and appreciate every person who is put in his path. I am positive that Leo and I will make many, many mistakes along the way but we are also ready and willing to learn from them and figure out how best to handle the situation the next time around.

For years, we've been praying and waiting for this new chapter in our lives to begin - it sort of feels like we've won the lottery and because of that, we want to ensure that Jacob has every possible opportunity to live a happy life that is full of great memories, amazing experiences, friendship, love, hard work and fun. No rock left unturned. Whatever obstacles come our way, (and there will be many, I'm sure) we will do whatever it takes - together - to get through to the other side, still feeling utterly blessed and grateful for the opportunity to be Jacob's parents.

(I still LOVE the sound of that!)

Enjoy your Sunday! 

Missy  

Showers of Love

Image Courtesy of Sweet Little Smoothie

The idea of me having a baby shower, much less four is still crazy sounding to my very own ears. Even with two very beautiful showers already come and gone and one tomorrow, I am still waiting for someone to pinch me or for the morning light to bring the realization that the past few months have been nothing but a really sweet dream.

Crazy, I know but I've been literally dreaming about this magical time in my life for nearly 10 years. Even longer if you count the time I spent daydreaming prior to me meeting Leo - soon to be known as Jacob's Dad. (I LOVE the sound of that!) Ever since I was a little girl, I dreamed about having a family and in less than 6 weeks, my dream will finally come true.

A few weeks ago, the women that I work with at the University of La Verne threw me a baby shower - and what a shower it was! Everything was so incredibly perfect and beautiful, from the carefully thought out menu to the decorations and environment in which it all played out in. I felt completely loved and supported.

Then a few weeks later Leo's family threw us another shower - this time it was a surprise and yes, I was in fact very surprised. I was thinking we were about to celebrate Leo's sister's birthday so we even showed up with gift in hand. Words could never fully express how nice it was to be able to celebrate this miracle that is about to arrive in just a few weeks with Leo's parents, siblings, aunts, cousins and close friends of the family.

Both days will be moments in both our lives that we won't ever forget. Without a doubt.

Tomorrow is my friend's shower and I am very excited about it. Excited to see faces I haven't seen in days,  months and even years. A few I haven't seen since High School - nearly 20 years ago to be exact. What a special day this is bound to be. Many of them have been supporting me for years via email, facebook, cards, phone calls and text messages. Some of them are previous co-workers from the many jobs I've had over the years. And others I've met through fundraising events I've organized and parties I've attended. Yes, it will be another great moment and I can't wait.

I guess that is the best part about rainy days - there will always be a rainbow at the end to look forward to. That's how I look at this whole experience. I had to go through some rain to get to the sunny, clear days filled with lots and lots of color. And if anyone ever asked me if it was worth it, without even hesitating, I'd say most definitely YES!

Thank you for supporting me through my rainy days!

Enjoy the Day!
Missy  

32 Weeks

Today marks 32 weeks - can you believe it?

This past Wednesday was another big day for Leo and I. We toured the maternity ward of the hospital where Jacob will be born. Altogether there were 18 expecting Mommies with their proud hubbies in attendance. To my delight, there were mini pink and baby blue cupcakes along with assorted cheese and crackers, lemonade and pitchers of iced water with lemon slices - Yum-Oh!!

Then the 12-minute video began by highlighting the history of the hospital, which by the way was built in the early 1900's - not sure I really needed to know that but then it went over the admission process and other important details. Then it was time to walk around the actual maternity ward - our tour guide was a woman by the name of Dee but she quickly announced to us that we could call her Dee-Dee. She was a sweet lady and it was very evident that she loved her job.

We toured the semi-private rooms, the private rooms and the labor rooms. Let's just say I'm hoping to be lucky enough to get a private room. And last on our scheduled tour was the area where the babies are checked and given a thorough examination - we even got to see an adorable 8-pound baby girl who had just been born earlier that afternoon. 

All in all, Leo and I learned a lot and it was nice to get a feel for the space that we would soon bring our baby boy into the world.

Enjoy the Weekend!
Missy

My Dad and Life Lessons

Most of you didn't know my Dad. He was smart, funny, generous and affectionate. He could also be complicated and difficult to read at times. He never had a hard time saying, "I love you." but like many of us, he struggled with admitting when he was wrong.

When I was a little girl, I remember him being the kind of person who would give you the shirt off of his back and he loved nothing more than to cook and share his dishes with others. We were a fairly large family (I'm one of 5 kids) so he always cooked enough for what seemed like an army, which meant that there were always left-overs for days. My friends loved to sleep over because that meant that more than likely they would be indulging in homemade banana pancakes the next morning.

He had a great smile and an infectious laugh. He enjoyed working with his hands and he loved listening to his eclectic collection of albums from Freddy Fender, Jerry Lee Lewis and Aaron Neville to Three Dog Night, Elvis Presley, Sam Cooke, Otis Redding and Kenny Rogers to name just a few. He looked forward to having family over for the holidays and he went out of his way to ensure that everyone was well-fed, content and happy. 

Sometimes I can't help but wonder what if things had been different? What if he were still here today? Would we have been able to mend our relationship? I'd like to think so. In life it's easy to feel regret but I also know in my heart of hearts that I did what I had to do...at the time for me. And regardless of what happened, I LOVE my Dad very much and I will always hold fast to the good times and the great memories we had while he was here.

My relationship with my Dad didn't end up where I would have liked it to be before he passed but sometimes we have to let go for our own sake. Most people may not understand this but as hard as it was to walk away, it was even harder on me to stay and when I did, he didn't show any interest in doing whatever it took to save our relationship. Maybe it was his pride or his ability to be stubborn at times or a combination of both, I will never know but I have to believe that he missed having me in his life and wished things were different.

Since then, I have forgiven him and myself. Nothing will ever change the fact that he was my Dad and I wouldn't change a thing because just like every other experience in life, it has molded me in to the person I am today.

My Dad was a complicated man but he was also funny, smart, loving and generous. These days, when a song comes on that reminds me of him, I smile and hope that he is proud of the person I have become. The lesson here is that love sometimes isn't enough to make a relationship work but you can still appreciate how it helps you navigate through the rest of your life.

Today, I can most definitely appreciate the traits that he has unknowingly passed down to me. I like to look at it as an unexpected blessing that I will always appreciate and hold on to. 

Life Lessons
You may have thought I didn't see,
Or that I hadn't heard,
Life lessons that you taught to me,
But I got every word. Perhaps you thought I missed it all,
And that we'd grow apart,
But Dad, I picked up everything,
It's written on my heart. Without you, Dad, I wouldn't be
The (woman)(man) I am today;
You built a strong foundation
No one can take away. I've grown up with your values,
And I'm very glad I did;
So here's to you, dear father,
From your forever grateful kid. By Joanna F.
Enjoy the Day!
Missy         

Busy Bees

Hello! It's me. Malissa...the author of this blog. I know - it's been awhile. Once again. Life has been a-buzz with work, activity, baby preparations and birthday celebrations, a much-needed vacation to Mexico and more work.

I do want to sincerely thank all of you for sticking with me, despite my ability to go missing in action for weeks at a time. I think about blogging all the time but then I remember what is on my plate for the day and it gets pushed to the very end of my list of things to do. I'm sure my reasons are not foreign to you. We are all busy bees trying to keep up with the momentum that life tends to create for us, despite our efforts to prevent it. 

Sometimes I wonder what all of you have been up to. What types of activities and responsibilities fill-up your days? I'd love to know. I've been far more inquisitive than normal lately - asking everyone I know - especially those who manage to work a full-time job and raise children how they juggle everything. It's all a big mystery to me at this point but I'm also excited - anxiously awaiting all of the changes that are about to take place in our seemingly quiet life.

Yesterday I signed us up for the hospital tour and we also start Lamaze classes next month. Watch out people, we're on our way to learning everything we possibly can about the birthing process. I was talking to a friend just last night and she suggested getting a midwife...anyone out there have any experience with this? She seemed pretty positive about it - having tried it for several of her deliveries.

There have been lots of kicking these days and I doubt I will ever tire of it. Sometimes when I'm watching television I'll catch myself focusing my attention on my ever-growing belly instead of the television - I just can't help it. It's just such an amazing feeling - to know that our little Jacob is in there...kicking away. And yes folks, it is official. We have selected a name: Jacob Mario Hernandez. I've always love the name Jacob and Mario was lovingly selected in memory of my little brother Mario who passed away years ago. (sigh)

I'm also happy to report that my energy level is still going strong and thankfully I don't have gestational diabetes. In fact, since early March I've only gained 12 pounds. Although, I haven't been weighed since our vacation to Mexico last week. Chances are, I gained a couple of pounds from the endless buffets and late night snacks but isn't that what vacations are for? (anyone? anyone?)

So things are definitely going great. Busy as usual but still - enjoying every single minute of this pregnancy. As always, thank you for listening (reading) and I hope you all have a great weekend!

Missy

P.S. Here are a few photos from our trip!

25 Weeks: No Excuses - Just Do It.

I'm 25 weeks pregnant and everything is still going really great. I'm sleeping and eating well. My energy level is good and I'm keeping myself pretty busy with work during the week and with projects around the house - mostly decluttering and getting rid of clothes and things we don't use. (Last week I took at least 5 bags of clothing to the thrift store plus a few boxes of "stuff" = good progress)

I've also been making it my mission to stay on a schedule so that we don't end up with way too much to get done in September because it will undoubtedly be my busiest month at work with Homecoming Weekend in early October. And I'm pretty determined to do it all - the hospital tour, lamaze classes, breastfeeding classes and CPR training because I want to make it a priority to do it all - no matter how busy things get.

But I have noticed a change in me - or rather something that is more prominent than normal.  I've just sort of been in this "no excuses, just do it" mentality and as a result, I've been struggling a lot lately with relating to and being there for others. I guess it's because my reaction is to get down to business, solve the problem and stay away from any impending drama. And often the hardest part for me is figuring out why others can't come to the same conclusion on their own.

I just truly believe that if you are not happy - if you are not living the life you want to live, then you are the only person who can change it. Not Mom and Dad, not your siblings, not even your closest friends. Trust me, I've tried and failed miserably at fixing other people's problems. As a friend, I have found that my only role should be to listen, make suggestions and then support the final decision - whatever that may be. And I can pray about it in hopes that everything works out for the best.

We all have at one point or another been in a bad situation but how we handle them - how we choose to prepare ourselves to manage while we are in the midst of it and how we plan to overcome and get past them is the most important part. Of course we can kick and scream, complain and point fingers in the opposite direction but at the end of the day, it's not going to do us a bit of good because we all have choices. Venting is necessary to process and figure things out but it should never stop there.

I wish life could be easier for all of us but it just isn't. There are challenges to face and obstacles to overcome. Issues to solve and problems to fix. I'm not even sure why this subject is so prominent on my mind - especially on a night like this - the 4th of July. The only thing that makes sense is that maybe my being able to get pregnant after so many years has made me more confident in my abilities to do what ever it takes - to never ever give up and to always live live to the fullest, even while you are working on your dreams.

I read a post tonight that asked the question, "When is it time to give up?" My answer is always going to be never. Because in my experience, even when you think you've given up, your heart will never fully allow it. Do whatever it takes today. Don't wait for tomorrow, next week or next month. And don't expect or wait for others to change your life - it's not their life to change. No more excuses: just do it - do whatever it takes to create the life YOU want. Why? Because you deserve it!

A Double Dose of Good News

I received a double dose of really good news today.

Leo and I had a doctor's appointment just a few hours ago to go over the results from my prenatal testing and everything came back normal. (Yay!) And now that I think about it, this doctor's visit was very different. Probably because I was different. I didn't spend my whole day worrying about it or pray fitfully in the lobby while waiting for my name to be called and I didn't kick my legs uncontrollably in the room while waiting for the doctor to come in.

It felt nice to (finally) feel in control, safe and secure. 

It was as if all of my fears had quietly fallen by the wayside without so much as a single peep. I wish you could have seen it - I was cool as a cucumber, which most of you know by now is not my normal standard operating procedure. I was happy. Funny, even. It feels great to finally enjoy being pregnant, to take it all in without holding my breath and relish in every single moment. Even moments like this one.   

The second order of good news I wanted to share with all of you is also BIG...monumental even. At least for one very special couple. Remember my friend who had just completed a round of IVF?

Well....she's PREGNANT!

That's right. I nearly screamed when I read her post. She received confirmation just a few days ago - please continue praying for her as she and her hubby navigate through the next few months. It's still a very scary experience - at least in the beginning. When I hear of another couple who have broken through the infertility barrier (literally), it strengthens my belief that dreams do come true and more than anything else, it keeps hope alive for the couples out there who are still working hard to break through.

Thank you, to each and every one of you who said a prayer for her. I really and truly appreciate it.

Last weekend the hubby and I hit another milestone in the pregnancy calendar - we registered at Babies R Us and at Target. I have dreamed about moments like this one for years. And I wasn't disappointed. It was also a great experience for my little sister and I to share. She's a Mom of three, one of them just turned 2 years old so she turned out to be the biggest help.

There is SO much we didn't know.

Like that there are several different types of bottle nipples including slow and regular flow. Um...nope. I didn't know that. And did you know that a box of diapers will run you around $40? Yep, didn't know that either. We obviously have a lot to learn over the next couple of months but we really enjoyed the process and the "schooling" we lovingly received from my little sister.

It's funny, when I think about it...you know...her being the little sister. I never would have imagined that she'd be the one teaching me all of this stuff but I'm so very thankful. She's quite the Mom to my nieces and nephews and I honestly wouldn't have it any other way.

P.S. We made a huge change recently in regards to the nursery. Instead of the firetruck theme, we are going with Vintage Mickey Mouse. I've always loved anything Disney and he liked the fact that it had a sports feel to it so Vintage Mickey it is! I'll try and post a photo soon!  

Enjoy the Day!
Missy

A Big Month

Sorry, friends. Once again it's been far too long since I last posted. Work is busier than ever with getting ready for Homecoming Weekend and making sure that my replacement is trained for when I go on maternity leave. 

Besides that, June has just been a very busy month with graduations, awards ceremonies, birthdays, doctors visits and big developments with regards to the nursery. Two weeks ago my Mom was in town so we went shopping for the furniture. We tried several stores before finding "the one", or in this case, "the set" at Babies R Us. In addition to the crib and attached changer, we also got the matching dresser. I usually gravitate towards lighter shades of wood but the color of this set just seemed so rich and timeless.   

The boxes of furniture are now sitting in the middle of the room waiting for Leo to work his magic. My plan is to have the room completely cleaned out and prepped this weekend so that painting can commence soon after. Next weekend we are planning on registering and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't looking forward to it. Oh my goodness, who am I kidding - I can hardly contain myself! As far as the theme for the nursery, initially I had wanted to do traditional Winnie the Pooh but now I have my eye on this set that I saw at Babies R Us - totally cute, don't you think? 

Leo and I went to my last ultrasound appointment at the Perinatal Center yesterday. The pictures were even clearer than the last and we even caught a glimpse of our little one kicking his leg up nearly up to his head. (he's been very active lately - I feel him kicking most of the day now) Luckily, the technician was able to capture this funny image for us to take home. The best part though was hearing him say that everything looked normal. (Yay!)

I also conquered a pretty big fear of mine by going to the dreaded dentist last Wednesday. (hopefully I'm not the only one who avoids the dentist like the plague) Not only did I go but I also got some much needed work done, including a thorough cleaning. Everyone in the office was so nice and willing to do whatever it took to put my fears at ease. When all the work was done, the dentist walked me out of the office, gave me a big hug and said I had done wonderfully...it was just so nice, I have to say. 

Lastly, I don't do this often but I have a prayer request for a fellow blogger (and friend) who recently completed a round of IVF and is waiting to find out the outcome. I can't imagine what she is going through right now. Please lift her up in prayer - just as you did for me. The issue of infertility still weighs heavily on my heart. It's tough because I meet women all the time who are doing their best to navigate, live with and overcome this growing issue. I'm praying hard that my friend quickly becomes one of them.  

As always, thank you for listening! (reading) I hope everyone is well and happy.

Enjoy the Day!
Missy

It's a Boy! (On the Way)

Note: this is not an actual ultrasound photo

Hello Everyone!

Just a quick post to share our BIG news - We have a baby BOY on the way! Earlier today we had a ultrasound done at the Perinatal Center and the pictures were pretty convincing. Lol!  To say that we are both over the moon with joy is definitely an understatement. It's been a very long road but in hind sight, I honestly couldn't feel more grateful for it all: the good, the bad and yes, (maybe) even the ugly.

I am proud to say that I am going to be a Mom at age 38. I never would have imagined having a baby at this stage in my life but then again, I'm a much better person today than I was even just 3 years ago. I've learned SO much and have been fortunate enough to experience more than my share of independence and indulgence. We're most definitely settled in our home of nearly 11 years and my job is stable - thank goodness!

In September, Leo will turn 40 and we will celebrate our 11th wedding anniversary in November. Then for the grand finale, we expect the arrival of our little boy to be on October 15th so it's definitely a year full of reasons to celebrate! Thank you once again for all of your love, support and prayers.

Your constant presence (you know who you are) has meant more than you will ever know.

Enjoy Your Day!
Missy

Pink or Blue?

It's almost time - time for our next ultrasound to hopefully be able to find out if it's a boy! or a girl! Don't get me wrong - I'm going to be over the moon happy for either outcome but I guess what I'm excited about is finally being able to plan the nursery, beginning the naming process and registering for little denim overalls or pink ruffled dresses.

I'll be 20 weeks pregnant as of this Friday and I haven't yet allowed myself to buy one stitch of clothing, not one single stuffed toy, blanket or pair of shoes - not even a baby book. So as I sit here on the couch googling and searching through various websites to get ideas, it's easy to get even more excited (and maybe a bit overwhelmed, too!) with the vast array of choices.

There are a few things I am pretty set on like leaning towards using neutral colors as opposed to bright primary colors and I love the idea of having a vinyl mural on the wall - no painting necessary. (if you have any experience with vinyl letters and murals, please share your insights!)

Lastly, I'm seriously considering purchasing a regular set of drawers with a hutch - possibly antique instead of going with a typical nursery set and I would absolutely love to have a comfortable over-sized chair for late night feedings. I even happened upon some cool DIY projects that I may try, like the adorable closet organizers above - how cute are they?

Since I definitely do not have a clue on the subject, please feel free to share with me (and others) your favorite products as well as any products you could have done without. I would really, really appreciate it! 

The BIG DAY (if baby cooperates) is on June 1st- Stay Tuned!

Enjoy the Day!
Missy

Spring-ing Into Action

It's been far too long since I last posted. My apologies. Really. I could blame being back to work or the fact that the last two months have been full of...action. But I won't. I CAN tell you that it's been a fabulous Spring full of activity and great memories. As of this week, I am in my 17th week of pregnancy and everything is going great. A serious cause for celebration - Yippee! 

On Saturday, April 23, Leo's family and I participated in Walk Now for Autism Speaks in support of our nephews, Xavier and Alexander. This year we really stepped up our game by planning various events to raise funds. There were BBQ dinners, a charity concert, a poker game, a silent auction and a girl's night out to name just a few and I am very proud to say that the end result was that we were able to raise $13,395.00, which earned us the 11th top fund raising team position out of literally hundreds of other teams. Impressive, if I do say so myself.

Even now, it's difficult to explain the feelings I had on the day of the walk. It was just great to feel as though we came together as a family to make a difference. A few of us qualified for the Grand Club so it was fun to be able to rub elbows with some of Autism Speak's biggest advocates and supporters, Holly Robinson-Pete (She started the HollyRod Foundation) and Zev and Justin from the Amazing Race. The weather was perfect and everyone wore their Team X to the A Force team t-shirts proudly. 

Over the last few months, I have also had the pleasure to meet some pretty amazing people who generously donated their time, talents and products in support of Autism Speaks. Many of them I contacted online so it was even more amazing to me that these perfect strangers stepped up to make a contribution. After countless emails, facebook posts and conversations I am proud to say that many of them I now consider great friends. Please take a moment to check out their websites - I promise, you won't be disappointed!

Allison B Wonderland
Aloette Skincare - Monica Beltran

Bath by Riley

Bird's Party

Derrick Dzine Dargan
Foremost Apparel 

Glassy Chic Boutique
Iris Jewelry Design
Jana's Fine Designs
JDM Bakeshop

Letter Chef

Lisa Leonard Designs
Made Especially For You
Paper & Pigtails

The Clever Corner
Treasured Gardens Handcrafted Soaps

True Emotions Photography

I would also like to thank the Sheraton Fairplex Hotel & Conference Center in Pomona, CA for allowing me to host the Girl's Night Out on their beautiful patio. I can't thank them enough for donating dinner and wine for my guests and for all the special touches, such as the surprise birthday cake made by Cucamonga Cakery in Rancho Cucamonga, CA. (If you book an event there, ask for Beth Gallagher - she is the best of the best!)

A heartfelt thank you goes out to Picazo's Flower Designs in Rancho Cucamonga for donating the beautiful flower arrangements (see photo at top of post) and to Signature Limos Limousines for giving me a fabulous rate and amazing service - the party bus was a huge hit! Lastly, a HUGE thank you goes out to everyone who came out to our various fund raising events and those of you who made a donation. 

Together, we put action to work for Autism Speaks! On behalf of myself, Leo's family and most especially, our nephews Xavier and Alexander - thank you for your support!