Because they happened so early in my pregnancy, I didn't allow myself to outwardly grieve their loss but the fact of the matter is that had everything gone perfectly, Leo and I would be raising three children instead of one. It wasn't until a blogger friend of mine shared her story that I started to really deal with this reality. I've thought about my angels countless times over the years but I never even whispered a word about their presence in my dreams - not even to Leo.
Confession #2 - in my dreams they are always girls and eventually to help me cope with their loss, I named them but again I never mentioned a word of it, not even to Leo. I guess I was worried that they would think I was crazy or that I was putting too much thought into it. But I needed so badly for them not to be nameless, much less forgotten. They existed even if it was for just a few weeks in my belly and they had the potential to be such beautiful little baby girls. To be able to write about them now, especially here makes me feel so much better because it solidifies their presence in my life.
And so this post is dedicated to my two angels - you were part of me for a very short time but you will forever reside in my heart. I love you both very much and look forward to meeting you one day up in heaven:
Sara Elizabeth - passed on 06/26/06
Olivia Michelle - passed on 12/31/06
For years, I have wanted to purchase jewelry in remembrance of them - I finally did it last week and I am so glad I did. The first is a necklace that I ordered from La Belle Dame and the other is a heart charm that I can attach to my bangle bracelet that says, "Mommy of Angels" on the front and on the back, the dates when we lost them will be engraved. I ordered it from My Forever Child.
Women don't often talk about their experiences with miscarriage and I completely get why - it's depressing no matter how you choose to bring it up. But for someone who has had one or more, it feels good to talk about it because it can be so very isolating when you don't. We need to work through the pain and the loss felt not just physically but also mentally and emotionally.
As always, thank you for allowing me to "come clean." To say that I feel better is a huge understatement. The sadness will always be there but the happiness that comes from talking about them completely washes it away, even for just a little while.
P.S. I have since opened up to Leo about all of this and I'm so glad I did because he also had been wanting to talk about it for some time now.
Enjoy the Day!
Missy
4 comments:
I am so glad to hear this friend. I am shocked you felt that you couldn't mourn them! They were your babies and they had such potential. Any loss is important. I am just so happy you are dealing with it and finding peace.
Thinking of your angels.
Thank you for your words of encouragement and support - especially during this very difficult time in your life. I am always praying for you and sending you lots of hugs.
I hate that it is such a hush topic. I can totally understand why but it makes it hard. I am astounded when the topic does come up how there are so many women who have dealt with loss as well.
Me too!! We need to talk more about it and you are so right, when you do you meet so many others who have been thru it too.
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