Today, on Thanksgiving, our family will also celebrate what would have been Yolie's 45th birthday. 

When I think back on the last eight years, it's easy to get caught up in the sad, dark spots. For some reason that's where my heart immediately wants to go. Of course there is still grief. It's been nearly 8 months and it still feels all wrong.

However, when I also make a point to look at the amazing, happy, bright spots -- oh my goodness, my heart is immediately filled with so much joy and gratitude. So, instead of only focusing on the sad, dark spots, I always balance it out with reflection of the happy, bright spots.

A good, healthy balance of both is best - I speak from lots and lots of experience. 

So, today in honor of Yolie's 45th birthday, instead of only focusing on her absence, I will reflect on the things I'm thankful for:

#1: My Faith

Without a doubt, God has carried me over the last few years, but especially over the last eight
months. And he never seizes to amaze me. I believe wholeheartedly that he knows exactly what I need when I need it the most and although there have been moments of stress, pain and grief, there has also been moments of strength, peace and sheer joy. And today I can honestly say I've never felt closer to God. This world of ours will always be chaotic, at-odds, indifferent, ever-changing and because we are human, we will at one time or another, fail each other. But, God never changes and He is always good.  

#2: Family 

Despite everything we've been through, we're still standing. And we've been through some stuff. :) My Mom is truly one of the most incredible people I know. She is my best friend and I'm so grateful for her constant love, encouragement and support. I'm also grateful for my Step-Dad, Chuck who has been so amazing through all of this and for being so good to my Mom. I'm grateful for my nieces and nephews who always make me smile and laugh, and for my extended family and Leo's family and extended family for being there for us, every step of the way. We are forever grateful to each and every one of you.

#2: My Relationship with Yolie

When we were growing up, our relationship was always complicated. Heck, it was complicated. But, in the last eight years we had become so close. Despite the fact that we rarely saw eye to eye on most everything, we found a way to focus on the things we did have in common and we gave each other grace often. I learned so many important lessons from her -- like the importance of spending time with family, enjoying the small moments and she was the one who taught me about unconditional love because let me tell you, I had a lot to learn. I also learned that sometimes when we put our own needs first, we lose out on the opportunity to make memories. I can't tell you how many times I wanted to stay home and rest, but when I persisted, I was ALWAYS glad I went. (So, so glad)  

#2: Memories + Photos

Oh the sweet, happy memories - there are so many! From the very first bake sale in La Verne (thank you, Julia Wheeler for hosting!) the many walk-a-thons, the annual birthday celebrations and the special trips we took together as a family. One trip in particular I will forever be grateful for is the one we were able to take with Yolie, the kids and my Mom. I'll never, ever forget it. (Thank you, Deb Hughes!) And then to have so many photos to look back on as often as I want? Talk about a priceless gift! I'm SO grateful for every memory we got to make with Yolie and her family and for all the laughter and joy we were able to share with her. And we will cherish every photo for years to come.

#3: Community 

How do you express gratitude for the overwhelming and unwavering prayers, generosity, encouragement, and support you provided? Not just for a year or two but for e i g h t years - without any questions or hesitation. That's a long time! Some of you had never even met Yolie and yet you opened your hearts and your wallets as if she was one of your own. We will never, ever forget you. We'll never forget how you showed up for her, time and time again. When I said God knew what we needed when we needed it, I definitely count you -- our community made up of family, friends and supporters who lifted us up through every hill and valley. 

#5 Grace

Last but certainly not least, I am grateful for grace because let me tell you I've made a lot of mistakes, especially over the past two years. I'm still a work in progress but I am hopeful and excited to see what God has in store for me and my little family.

So, there you have it. My top 5 reasons to be thankful today on Thanksgiving. I hope and pray you are able to find some bright spots in your own life and that you take some time to reflect on them. When you do, I hope and pray it helps lighten the dark ones.

Sending you love and light. 

Missy

Let's #ShopSmall

Did you know that Jeff Bezos' current net worth is 181 BILLION dollars?

Here are some more facts:

The number of active small business owners in the United States plummeted by 3.3 million or 22% over the crucial 2‐month window from February to April 2020. The drop in active business owners was the largest on record, and losses to business activity were felt across nearly all industries. (Wiley.com)

And according to Inc.com, the majority of small-business owners say they work at least 50 hours per week, according to a recent poll -- far more than the national average, and 86% work on the weekends.

Small businesses are the HEARTBEAT of our neighborhoods, the SPINE of our local economy, and the SPIRIT of our cities.

That's why I'm committing to skip #blackfriday and instead, #shopsmall for every Christmas gift I buy this year. Let's do our part to not only keep them in business but to help them GROW. Think about the ripple effect we could create...and all the happy dances. 

The list below is made up of family and friends who own small businesses, 95% of them are local and many of them supported Yolie in her fight with breast cancer, many, many times. So, it would also be a great way to show them my gratitude. (If I inadvertently missed you, please let me know so I can add you to the list.)

Let's send them some LOVE!

** = businesses that sell handmade items 

Arts & Crafts
American Crafts
Handi Crafts by Iz
Lady Sunshine Crafts

Baked Goods/Treats
Baked Desserts Bar
Subliminal Delights 
Lick It Lollipops

Bookstores (Independent)
Bookshop.org
Indie Bound

Candles
Isa & Co. **
Pink Zebra by Wendi York
Scentsy by Amber Reyes
Scentsy by Desiree Irons

Cards
Crafting RA Away by Cori Padilla **
 
Clothing/Jewelry/Accessories 
Cali Bling by Amanda Sim (La Verne)
Cali Bling by Amy Andrews (Fresno)
Grl Collective **
Origami Owl by Lorita Moruzzi
Ronnie M Layering Bar **
The Giving Keys

Custom Signs/Decor/Gifts
AMB Home Designs **
Lego's Legacy by Breanna Hearne **

Flowers
Irises Designs

Hair/Make-Up Artists
Amica Mia Salon - Salena Bruno (Rancho Cucamonga)
Salon Tribeca - Jenna Babani (Rancho Cucamonga)
The Hair Sculptor by Debbie Jean Nelson (San Clemente)
Roots Hair Salon (Downtown La Verne)

Hair Products
Monat by Jacqueline Lee (Rancho Cucamonga)

Handmade Bags & Accessories
Crafts by Isas **

Life/Business Coach
Ehmandah Ramsey
Brea Owen

Cancer Support Organizations
Michelle's Place (Temecula)
Shay Sharpe's Pink Wishes
The Care Project Inc. 

Nails
Color Street by Erica Kumfer
Color Street by Michele Whitney (W. Covina)

Photographer
True Emotions Photography by Kimberly Saxelby (Upland)
The Heirloom Artist by Jacqueline Lee

Restaurants
Cactus Coffee (La Verne)
Beola's Southern Cuisine (Ontario)
L&L Hawaiian Barbecue (La Verne)

Safety Products
Damsel in Defense by Teresa Carpenter

Skincare/Make-Up
Aloette by Monica Cisneros Beltran
Jafra Cosmetics by Irma Clark
Killaglow Cosmetics
Rad Beauty
Rodan + Fields by Jennifer Lofland
Senegence by Lisa Hunter
TrūAura by Marly Mattson

Wellness
Ami Wellness by Ronnie Salazar
B-Epic by Teresa
Doterra by Amy Quaid
The Happy Aura
Healed and Empowered by Brianna Cardenas
Modern Oiler by Misty Bradley

Words and Wearing Pink for Yolie

Yolie starts chemotherapy for the second time in just over a year this Thursday. {long, anxious sigh} 

 

She was given a week off to allow the burns from radiation treatments to heal. The plan is for her to receive two different types of chemo: the first will be administered via a three hour infusion every three weeks. The second will be four pills in the morning and four pills in the evening every day for two weeks.

 

Some of the side effects caused by chemotherapy include: headache, fatigue, hair loss, nausea, vomiting, hand-foot syndrome, sores in the mouth and throat, shaking or trembling, and a whole slue of other not-so-fun ailments. She will be on this regiment for a minimum of six months and at some point they will start to monitor the size of the tumors to see how they are responding to treatment.

 

To help her get through the next six months, she is going to need all of the love, support and encouragement she can get and although we have the best intentions to say all the right things, we sometimes miss the mark. {Myself included}

 

So, to ensure that she receives just what she needs, I did some research and thankfully, I found some great information. I feel so much more secure in my ability to really be there for her in every sense of the word and my hope is that you will feel the same way.  

• Ask permission—before visiting, before giving advice, before asking questions. And make it clear that saying no is perfectly okay.
• Make flexible plans that can be easily changed in case something comes up or she needs to cancel or reschedule.
• Be careful not to come across as pushy or demanding.
• Be humorous and fun, when appropriate and when needed.
• Allow for sadness—do not ignore uncomfortable topics or feelings.

Practical Ways You Can Help:

• Send regular text messages and Facebook posts.
• Make a donation to her Fund Me page
• Offer to make a home-cooked meal via Meal Train.
• Gift her a magazine subscription.{Magazines are her favorite}

What to Say:

Avoid Saying:

• I know just how you feel.
• You need to talk.
• I know just what you should do.
• I feel helpless.
• I don't know how you manage.
• I’m sure you’ll be fine.
• Don’t worry.
• How much time do the doctors give you?
• How long do you have?
• Let me know what I can do. (Instead, offer specific ways you can help or other things you can provide if they need it.)

Do Say:

• I'm sorry this has happened to you.
• If you ever feel like talking, I am here to listen.
• What are you thinking of doing, and how can I help?
• I care about you.
• I’m thinking about you.
• I don’t know what to say. (It is better to be honest than to simply stop calling or visiting out of fear.)

To help brighten her first day of chemotherapy, we are planning another Wear Pink for Yolie event. Here's how it works: simply post a photo of yourself on Facebook and/or Instagram using the #pinkforyolie hashtag. It's so easy and has the potential to make an enormous impact.

I'm basically asking, pleading and begging everyone and anyone I know to not just participate but to also help me spread the word. Do you work for a large company? Get your co-workers involved. Do you have a favorite Starbucks that you frequent? Ask them to participate. Ask your Family, your Friends, your Neighbors, your Mom's Groups and your Gym Pals.

Nobody is off limits. Not even your Dog. Cat. Hamster.
{You get the picture}

Enjoy the Day!
Missy

You.

Stunned. Elated. Grateful.

These are just a few words that come to mind when I think of the Fight for Yolie Bake Sale that we hosted last Thursday, the day before Good Friday.

We set-up an amazing spread of Easter themed baked goods on my friend Julia's beautiful patio, just down the street from the University of La Verne campus. Our hope was that people would stop by on their break or on their way home from work and all of the money raised would go directly to my Sister, who is battling breast cancer for the third time in three years.

And one by one, that's just what you did. You showed up.

But you didn't just spend a couple of dollars. You left with platters, plates and brown paper bags full of cupcakes, cookies, mini cheesecakes, rice crispy treats and scones.

And that's not all. You offered encouraging and supportive words and lots and lots of hugs. {Thank you!} It was almost overwhelming. By the time Yolie arrived, an hour into the bake sale, we had already raised almost 500.00!

She was genuinely taken aback by the generosity displayed all around her. She felt incredibly loved and supported and it was exactly what she needed as she prepares to start another six months of grueling chemotherapy. How did you know that? You just did.

You. My friends and co-workers. I don't think I could ever thank you enough. Without you, without your support, I'd most definitely feel helpless and hopeless. I wouldn't be able to muster up the strength to fight alongside her. But I don't have to.

Because of you, I feel empowered. I feel strong.

I don't fear the future because I know I am doing everything in my power. No rock left unturned. I'm willing to do pretty much anything for Yolie and time and time again you've proven to be supportive no matter what crazy idea I think up. Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

For always being there for me and now for my sister. Because of you, we raised over $1,000.00 as a result of our Fight for Yolie Bake Sale. Because of you, we are over half way to our goal of raising $10,000.00. It seemed out of reach just a few weeks ago but if there is one thing I've learned over the past few weeks is, there is strength in numbers and in community.

And boy did I get lucky in the community category!

Enjoy the Day!

Missy

If you would like to make a life-changing gift, please click here

P.S. There were so many people who were instrumental in the success of this bake sale. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank them here:

Thank you for the countless text messages and facebook posts wishing us a successful event and for the online gifts from friends who couldn't attend the bake sale.

Maria Hernandez - for the use of your amazing kitchen, for keeping us well-fed, for donating cookies, a general donation jar, poster board and tags.
Griselda Hernandez - for donating baking supplies, disposable containers and your time.
Lisa Mejia - for donating your time.
Denise Gutierrez - for donating baking supplies and your time.
Debbie of Dagal Creative - for donating your graphic design talents for our beautiful table signs.
Julia Wheeler - for allowing us to use your beautiful home to host our event - it was perfect!
Debra and David Morales - for helping with set-up and for lending your tables at the last minute!
Sarah Prosenko - for donating chocolate dipped pretzels.
Marianne Duyan - for donating cookies, lemon bars and your time.
Rebecca Farraj - donating beverages and ice and for donating your time.
Alma Argueta - for donating carrot cupcakes and mini Oreo cookie cheesecakes.
Isabel & Darlene Rodriguez - for donating beautifully decorated cupcakes.
Amanda Hanson - for donating freshly baked almond scones.

.

She

With the overwhelming support we have received over the past few weeks, I felt compelled to tell you more about the person you are supporting.

The person you are giving hope.

Her full name is Yolanda Lynn Lopez but we lovingly call her Yolie.
She was born on November 26th.
She is the 4th of five siblings.
At age 6, she was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes.
She is a woman of faith.
She is a dedicated Wife and Mommy to three.  
She is smart and funny as hell.
Her favorite season is fall.
Naturally, her favorite colors are brown, orange and green.
She has a great smile and an even better laugh.
She is a natural in the kitchen.
She loves to belt out her favorite country songs.
She is a fan of Carrie Underwood.
Her favorite pastime is hanging out at home with her husband and three children.
She is a fan of rocky road ice cream.
She is incredibly thoughtful, has a way with words and completely unaware of both.
Her favorite show is Modern Family.
She wears her heart on her sleeve and she loves wholeheartedly.
In 2013, she graduated with an AOS degree at the top of her class.
Did I mention she accomplished this while battling breast cancer the first time?

She is a light in the life of many.
She is a fighter and a lover of life.

And as her big sister, I couldn't be prouder.
Thank you for your unwavering love and support.

Click here to read more about her battle with breast cancer.
Click here to make a life saving gift.

XoXo,
Missy

One Step at a Time

How do you put a price tag on someone's life?

I've been thinking about this question a lot lately. Who am I kidding...I think about it every single minute of the day.

Before my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer three years ago, I didn't realize how often families were put in this unspeakable situation. According to The American Cancer Society, 20% of people with health insurance can't afford to have the cancer therapy they need to save their lives.

Can you imagine checking-in for treatment and being told that you have to pay $12,000.00 up front for the next series of chemo treatments?

I keep picturing my sister standing there with tears in her eyes. She manages to keep her composure but it wavers as soon as she gets out the words, "I don't have $12,000.00." Thankfully, they offered (this time) to put her on a payment plan but we worry what will happen next time and quite honestly, this is just the tip of the iceberg.

It's bad enough she has to endure these horrible treatments that literally suck the life out of her but to have to figure out how to pay for them, too. She has enough to worry about: She has two teenage children who are trying to cope the best they can while also trying to find their way in this great big world, a four year old daughter who is questioning God's existence because he hasn't answered her nightly prayers to heal her of cancer and on top of all that, she has rent, utilities, car payments and car insurance not to mention daily expenses like food and gas.

Her disability benefits have run out and yesterday she found out she doesn't qualify for SSI so it is only a matter of time before they lose their apartment. The place she and her family have called home for the past five years. Moving is stressful for most healthy people. She has to do it while also enduring chemo treatments.

It just doesn't seem fair. It seems mean and cruel. And as her older sister, I just want to take care of it. All of it but I can't. I can't do it all. but I can make a difference, no matter how small.

One step at a time.

Sleep is a distant memory because I have so many things to do, people to talk to, grants and loans to find and research and money to raise. Some how. Some way. I've raised money and awareness for many causes in my lifetime. Now it's time to put my experience to work for my Sister.

Someone I can't imagine my life without.

This is where you come in. If you have the financial resources to help, please do and know that your gift is truly making all the difference in the world. If you don't have the financial resources, please don't feel bad. My intent is never to make anyone feel guilty for not making a donation. I know times are tough. Instead, please consider helping me raise money by spreading the word. Simply share the link to this blog post or the direct link to her Fund Me account via your Facebook account. You can also lead a fundraising effort or support one of mine. {More info to come} You can sign-up to provide her and her family with a home-cooked meal via Meal Train, send uplifting cards or simply keep her and her family in your prayers.

As a family and as believers in Jesus Christ, it feels like we are being given the ultimate test...in every sense of the word. I am motivated to keep her on this earth for selfish reasons. Because I'm not ready to say goodbye and because I want my son, her godson to grow up with her strong and loving presence in his life. I want her to be there when he graduates middle school, high school and college and I want her to be there to witness him say the words, "I do" and for the birth of his babies.

But most of all, I am motivated to continue fighting because she has her own children to continue raising. Her youngest is five so she has many more boo-boo's to kiss and books to read, questions to answer and milestones to treasure. That is motivation enough and thankfully for all of you - my husband and my son, my immediate and extended family, friends and co-workers - you sustain me and keep me sane. Thank you for your love and friendship.

I am so very blessed and together, I am confident that we can make a difference. We may be small but we are mighty in our #fightforyolie

Xoxo,
Missy

Fighting for Yolie

Last Spring we received some pretty heartbreaking news: My younger sister who battled breast cancer two years ago found another tumor and was diagnosed with Stage 3 Triple Negative Metastatic Breast Cancer. A few weeks later she had a radical mastectomy and endured six months of chemotherapy.

At the end of her chemotherapy, she had surgery to have what was left of the tumor removed. The doctor was skeptical but thankfully, we received good news when she walked into the waiting room saying, "I got it all." She was finally cancer free. It was an emotional day for all of us but most of all, for her.

We celebrated with a small cake and some balloons but the celebration was short lived because within just a few weeks they found another tumor. It's difficult to put into words what goes through your mind when you're watching your loved one go through so much physical pain and emotional turmoil.

I try to focus on her eyes.
I smile a lot and hold her hand.
I make silly jokes and talk about the weather.

But sometimes my nervousness gets the best of me and I say really, really dumb things.Thankfully, she will usually wave it off and promptly change the subject.

As her older sister, I feel completely and utterly helpless. Sometimes I want to cry and other times I want to scream but the thought that always enters my mind in the midst of an emotional breakdown is what she must be going through. I can't even imagine.

In between the pain, I do see glimmers of joy in her face. Like when she is around her kids, when her favorite show is on or when I tell her my latest Mommy mishap. I love those moments. And she is a believer in God so I'm sure her faith is of great comfort to her. I know I would be absolutely lost without him.

Currently, she is getting ready to start six more months of chemo and then we are hoping radiation treatments will eliminate what is left of the tumor because surgery is not an option. We are also very lucky to have so much love and support from family and friends.

They say it takes a village to raise a child. Well, I think the same idea applies here too. We have an amazing village. One that rises to the occasion without a second thought. Thank you, all of you for your love, your encouraging words and for continuing to pray for Yolie and her family. We appreciate it more than I could ever fully express.

Enjoy the Day!
Missy

To help my sister with medical and living expenses, please click here

Jake's 3rd Birthday

WOW!
That would be one way to describe how I feel when I say out loud, "He's 3." I still can't believe it. I also can't believe that I didn't post anything about his party so I'm just going to keep reminding myself, "better late than never."

We celebrated Jake's birthday on Saturday, October 18th at the Chino Children's Museum, which is basically a pretend city for toddlers complete with buildings, doors and activities perfect for their size and age. The theme was Spider Man and lucky for me, Dollar Tree had tons of Spider Man stuff that worked perfectly for the goody bags. Each child received a mini puzzle, a coloring book, crayons, snacks and candy - all in Spider Man packaging.

We ordered the food through a local Italian restaurant so the menu included pizza for the kids and salad, pasta and bread sticks for the adults. Once again, we ordered the cake from our favorite go-to person who hit it out of the park with her cake decorating skills.

Jake was so excited when we walked into the building. He kept saying, "I'm so happy," which of course made me melt every time he said it. If I could change one thing, it would have just been more time in the party room because the two hours that we were given went by in what seemed like light speed but I loved that I could relax and really enjoy the party. A big indicator of that was I was able to sit down and eat. That's never happens. Ever.

I was really able to soak in every bit of goodness going on around me; the laughs, the smiles and the conversations. When we sang him happy birthday, he sang right along with us with a huge smile on his face.

I found myself reminiscing over the course of the party - thinking about the milestones he's had over the last three years. He's growing up so fast and although we have our off days, we also have so much fun. This can be a difficult age but it is also so great to be able to have a conversation with him - to be able to sing along to his favorite songs and discover new things together.

He makes me laugh and he has such a big heart. What can I say...I'm a lucky Mommy!

At age 3, Jake is a fan of:

Macaroni and Cheese
Turkey Sandwiches
Milk
Mickey Mouse Clubhouse
Finding Nemo
Spiderman
Trains
Singing
Dancing

Jake's 2nd Birthday

On Saturday, November 2nd, Jake's 2nd birthday was held in our back yard and once again, we were blessed with amazing weather. We invited immediate family and Jake's friends {and their parents, of course} We chose Elmo and trains for the theme and for food, the kids enjoyed pizza and gold fish crackers while the adults enjoyed all-you-can-eat tacos with the usual side dishes.

This year we decided to hire some entertainment for the kids so we went with a clown who later in the party would magically turn into the big guy himself - Elmo. If I had to pick one moment that would be the highlight of the party, this would be it: When Jake saw Elmo walk into the backyard. His whole face lit up....then he went in for a great big hug. {and then my heart leaped for joy} I'll never forget his face. Or that moment.

Prior to Elmo showing up for the party, The Clown played a few musical based games but the biggest hit was a parachute activity where all the kids hold on to a piece of a parachute and then lift it up and then bring it down....and then lift it up and bring it down. Sounds pretty boring, right? But they loved it. Especially the part where the parents lifted up the parachute so they could play under it. They were running around in a circle and laughing.

I can remember taking a moment to stop and really take it all in - all our loved ones watching the festivities from their tables and the kids - their happy faces. Lots of laughing. Cameras flashing.

 I felt so blessed. And happy.

The food was great {probably more so because I didn't have to prepare, cook and serve it} and everyone seemed to have a really good time. Naturally, Jacob received several train and Elmo themed gifts - including a train table set from his Godparents and an Elmo themed train set from his Nina Yolie. Cake time zoomed by so I didn't get many pictures but Jacob enjoyed every last bite of his cake. {You all know the boy loves cake} 

All in all, it was a really good day that was topped off with a tall glass of sangria for myself and some of our favorite people, talking and laughing until the sun set.

 

Jacob's Baptism - The Details

Jake's baptism was one of my favorite events to plan to date. Of course I enjoyed the creative aspect of the planning process - I always do. But I also thoroughly enjoyed being able to spend unlimited amounts of time with Jacob's godmothers: my sister, Yolanda and Leo's sister, Maria.

We had SO much fun.

In short, We shopped. We dipped. We carefully crafted and we shared lots and lots of laughs.

All of the elements that we used for the reception were found via my favorite websites for inspiration: Pinterest and Etsy. If you are a Mom and you're not already using these website, I highly recommend both.

 I also have a party-planning secret weapon: I have a friend who is a very talented graphic design artist - Debbie of Dagal Creative. I absolutely LOVE working with her because she always manages to see my vision even before I have it completely figured out. She did everything - the invites, the prayer cards, the favor tags the thank you cards.

My process goes a little something like this: I find something I like on Pinterest or Etsy, I email the picture or the link to the picture to Debbie and she modifies it based on my theme. For instance, I found "My Wishes for You" cards via Etsy and she modified the text to make them more baptism appropriate by changing it to "My Prayers for You."

 I can't tell you how much we both enjoyed reading each and every one at the end of the day. There were SO many great comments - here are just a few: 

I pray you get to....have one great love

I pray you never forget...to call your Mom

I pray you are never afraid of...what you don't understand

I pray you become...a friend to Joaquin

I pray you become...Captain America

I pray you get to...be successful and follow God's way

I pray you learn...about the stars

I pray you laugh...every day

For favors, we decided on white chocolate dipped Oreo cookies so Debbie created a favor tag based on another sample I found via Pinterest. They of course matched the color theme perfectly.

One of my very favorite elements that we incorporated was a fingerprint tree - you may have seen this done at weddings or bridal showers. I saw it on Pinterest and immediately fell in love with the idea. The concept is simple - guests add their fingerprint to the tree and write their name above it to serve as a record of their presence.

I plan to frame it and hang it proudly on our wall and then one day, when Jacob has a family of his own, my hope is that he will hang it proudly on his wall. I knew I wanted to somehow honor our family members in heaven so I was able to accomplish this by adding their names - the color of the flower represents that of their birthstone.

For the centerpieces, I wanted something bright and cheery but also inexpensive. I asked a local pizza restaurant if I could take their empty cans of tomato sauce off their hands and they happily obliged.
My go-to florist also happens to be a great friend of mine from High School - Ricardo and his wife, Erin have a very successful floral business called Irises Floral Designs.

They spray painted the cans, added a thick chocolate brown ribbon around the middle and then added a favor tag to tie everything together. We skipped flowers and went with simple bunches of babies breath.

They were absolutely perfect.

The last element was the cake. Again, I found the initial design via Pinterest but I modified it by adding a cross and as funny as it may sound, a pair of converse tennis shoes. Ever since Jacob was a baby, he's mostly worn converse so I thought it would be fitting. We ordered the cake from the same person who did his first birthday cake - Susie from Havana Taste. The bottom layer was chocolate cake with cookies and cream filling and the top layer was blueberry cake with lemon curd filling - delish!

Finally, it was important to both of us to have lots of great pictures so that one day when Jacob is old enough to grasp the concept of baptism, we will be able to give him a clear picture of what the day was like. I didn't want to worry about not having enough or worse, having pictures that were blurry or too dark. We decided to ask my friend Sheila who used to work with me at La Verne. She is now a graduate but she loves photography and when I asked her, she happily obliged. She did such a great job - we couldn't have asked for more.

The day was by no means perfect. There were family members who were unable to attend and other loved ones who we would have loved to invite but for financial reasons, were unable to. And because Jacob missed his morning and afternoon naps, he was fussy at times. But still all in all, we were very happy.
Happy for him and happy for us.

We can't thank Jacob's godparents enough for their generous contributions and none of the beautiful details would have been possible had it not been for our amazing friends - my party planning secret weapons: Debbie, Ricardo and Erin. We are also eternally gratful to Sheila for capturing it all so perfectly.

We are truly blessed.

Enjoy the day!
Malissa

Holding On

For weeks now, I've had an old pair of Jake's shoes sitting on my bathroom counter. His second pair of Converse tennis shoes. Black with Velcro straps. They don't fit him anymore. Every weekend I glance over at them and wonder if this is the day that I will be ready to let go of them and the answer is always the same.

Not yet. 

I also have an extra-large bin of onesies, pajamas, socks, bibs, mittens and other baby things that is overflowing and if I am really being honest (gulp), I have more piled up in our guest bathroom...in the shower.

Thank goodness for shower curtains.

The shoes are not in the best shape so I wouldn't feel comfortable donating them or giving them to a friend but everything else is in great condition - some barely used even. These things could really help someone in need but I am having a really difficult time with letting them go.

I could state the obvious and say that it's because they belonged to my first born - our miracle baby boy. But it's more than that. So much more. Even though I would like to be able to say that I am perfectly happy with Jacob, part of me is secretly hoping that we will be blessed with one more. 

The other day I came across an article about a well-known actress who tried IVF thirteen times over a decade. She eventually got her happy ending by adopting a little girl in Foster Care - bless her heart. I also know many bloggers turned friends who have gone through similar trials and tribulations and they are still waiting patiently for their happy endings.

Knowing that there are women out there who are suffering through infertility makes me feel as though I am being ungrateful and selfish. How could I possibly ask for more? But then I have to remind myself that it IS perfectly normal for me to want a second child. Of course, I am cautiously optimistic and although Leo would never say it out loud, I can sense that he is too. It comes with the territory, I guess.

The subject of adoption through the Foster Care system has definitely come up but we haven't made any definite decisions. Right now we are just enjoying this season in our lives and soaking up every single moment we have with Jacob.

I just pray that whatever is meant to be will be. Until then, I am allowing myself to hold on to his things - even his old converse tennis shoes that are sitting on my bathroom counter because well, I'm just not ready to let go. Not yet anyway.

Enjoy the Day!
Missy

Your Baptism

Dear Jacob,

Today was a very special day for our little family.

You were baptized at Our Lady of the Assumption Church in the beautiful tree lined city of Claremont, California. You wore a white silk shorts outfit - complete with bow tie and a vest with fish tails.

We arrived about thirty minutes before the ceremony was scheduled to begin and sat in the first row where your Godfather placed a beautful white gold necklace with a medalion of John the Baptist around your neck. Then your Godmothers finished dressing you in your vest and cumberbun - you looked so very handsome!

The ceremony began and you sat patiently on my lap.
(Having your favorite snacks on hand definitely helped!)

First, we were asked to go to the front entrance of the sanctuary to be officially invited into the Church of God. This is where your Daddy was asked to speak of our intentions to have you baptized in the presence of our family and friends. Then we were asked to outline the sign of the cross on your forehead one-by one and then we walked back into the sanctuary to await the next step in the ceremony.

By now, you were a bit more active - walking back and forth between your Daddy and I.

Next, you were annointed with oil, just under your collar and also later at the base of your head. It was a very sweet smelling oil. Afterwards, we each took turns smelling your head, as funny as that sounds - even your Grandparents who sat behind us - you didn't seem to mind one bit.

The next step was the candle lighting. All of the parents, godparents and children being baptized stood on the stage in a half circle. The Deacon lit a taper candle for each child being baptized using a very large candle on stage. He handed the taper candle to me and one by one, I went to your godparents and lit their candle.

 

The last step of the ceremony was the baptism with water. Your Dad held you. I stood beside him and your Godparents and Grandparents surrounded us. After the Deacon asked us our intentions, your Daddy held you over the basin and your Grandmother helped the Deacon pour the holy water over your head.

I thought I would have been in tears by now but at that moment, I was completely overwhelmed with joy. For your Dad and I, this moment meant the world to us.

Our miracle baby boy was baptized.
Another dream come true.

After taking several photos and having some items blessed by the Deacon, we celebrated with close family and friends at a local restaurant. By now, you were tired from missing your morning nap but you still managed to hold on for a few more hours. After lunch, a piece of cake, a chocolate covered oreo cookie, playtime with your cousin Marley and many, many more photos, you fell asleep in my arms.

For me, this day will forever be etched in mind as being perfect in every way.
It was the starting point for your walk with God and I am so excited to see where his path will lead you.

Love,
Your (Lucky) Mommy

Twenty-Months

It's still hard to believe that my baby boy will be twenty-months in less than a week. This is such a great age.

I literally can't wait to wake him up in the mornings - to see his smiling face and to pinch his cheeks. I can  see his personality developing more and more every day - it's pretty amazing. Because of this, I've decided that I really need to make documenting his milestones a priority. I haven't touched his baby book in months and life is never going to slow down. I just have to make it happen because time is flying by. And despite my absence, this little blog really is important to me. I've missed it. And you.

With that being said...

Personality:
Jacob is sweet, funny, affectionate, outgoing and maybe a little stubborn. Okay maybe very stubborn. Unfortunately, he comes from not one but two parents who are both stuborn so I guess it was inevitable. When we are out in public, it doesn't matter where we are, he will try to get a stranger's attention and as soon as he has it, he'll smile and wave at them. (melting my heart almost instantaneously)

Milestones:
He recently decided that he no longer needs his chicken strips cut into bite-sized pieces. He will get into his car seat on his own and he helps me carry things into the house now. (so handy in a pinch!) He loves to help me put the clothes into the dryer and after he takes things off the shelf, if I ask him to put them back - he will (usually) oblige.

Words:
He says bye-bye now when he waves. Last weekend he said sorry for the first time and his favorite word at the moment is more. He also says Hi, car, football, kitty, fish, apple, Da-Da and my favorite, Mom.

His Loves:
Chicken nuggets, strawberries, grapes, string cheese and raisins.

He loves being outside. Besides a small plastic inflatable pool, we don't have toys in our backyard (yet) but he is perfectly happy with running from here to there. We spend hours in Grandma's backyard every Saturday afternoon. Again, no toys there either but he loves it just the same. I always take advantage of these moments to get some great shots of him - the light is always amazing just after dinner.

His favorite toy is his Leap Pad that he got from Leo's parents last Christmas. (Money well spent for sure!) He will typically play with it in the car, in the mornings when I am getting ready or when he's in his high chair. I love it because it has all of the great learning apps and he really enjoys the Sesame Street and Chuggington videos. Other than that, he is always on the go. I can't remember the last time I sat on the couch to watch television for longer than ten minutes - at least while he was awake! LOL!

Excursions & Activities:
We're in our second week of Mommy and Me swim lessons and I'm soaking up every single minute of it. He's not a fan of going under the water but he does love the kicking and splashing part. He's almost mastered getting in and out of the pool and we've met some new friends, which is always a bonus. Leo has been going too, to watch and take pictures so it's really turned into a great family outing for us. We plan to continue the lessons off and on throughout the Summer.

BIG Upcoming Event:
We are all set to have Jacob baptized on June 22, 2013 at Our Lady of Assumption in Claremont, CA. I am so beyond excited, I can hardly contain myself. I am really enjoying the planning process because it has given me an excuse to spend lots of time with the god-mothers to be. (I will announce who they are in a separate post) I will also be sure to share some pictures and the highlights of the day's events.

Thanks for sticking by me!
Enjoy the day!

Finding Our Home

When I was a little girl my family attended Bellflower Brethren Church. I loved this Church. I have so many great memories from the music to the lessons, the holiday performances and the huge picnics on the lawn - potlucks in the large recreation room on the first floor of the two-story building. Everybody knew eachother on a first name basis and I always felt at home. And Pastor Cashman was warm and charismatic.

We left in the early 80's because my parents bought a house in Ontario. We had tried to travel back a few times but it was a long drive, especially with five rambunctious kids in the car. We attended a few local Churches over the years but I never really got the same feeling.

When Leo and I started dating our hurdle became the fact that we were from different faiths. I had heard several Pastors speak on this subject and they always stated with conviction that they would not marry a couple who came from different faith backgrounds. Quite honestly, this didn't deter me or cause me to second guess our relationship. I had faith that God brought Leo into my life and I refused to believe that he would disapprove of our marrying eachother.

He proposed to me on a rainy Valentine's Day at Shoreline Village in Long Beach. Soon after we set the date for November 12, 1999 and we started planning the wedding in early Summer. Almost immediately we had a very difficult time finding a Church that would marry us. We must have talked to a dozen different pastors from non-denominational Churches. I had all but given up when Leo's sister recommended a Church in San Dimas.

Leo and I met with the Pastor and after a brief introduction and explanation of our situation, he reassured us by saying, "Everyone has their own path to God" and he happily agreed to marry us. It was a beautiful ceremony and we both felt grateful to him for making us feel so welcomed into his Church. Unfortunately for us, he left shortly after

And we were back to square one again....

We tried several more Churches in the non-denominational faith and each time Leo was such a trooper. He never complained or hinted that he preferred to go to a Catholic Church. I think he could sense how important this was to me. I really just wanted to find our home. A place where we could both grow in our faith together. But many times what kept us from returning were not-so-nice comments made by the Pastor about the Catholic faith during the sermon.

I agreed with Leo wholeheartedly when he didn't want to return because we both agreed that was not okay. It is never okay (in our book) for one faith to put down another. Needless to say, it left me feeling frustrated and disheartened to the point to where I had given up. That's not to say that I stopped praying. I don't know a lot but I do know that I need God's presence in my life to help me, guide me and sustain me when times are tough.

When Jacob came into our lives the subject inevitably came up again.

We both felt it was important for him to be raised in the Church so he could have the same foundation of faith we both had. I was cautiously optimistic but also a little weary.

At first we decided that we would raise him in both faiths. We would baptize him in the Catholic Church but we would visit a Christian Church fairly often so he would be able to learn both. That didn't go over very well with the first Priest that we met with, and for good reason in hind sight. But still, I found myself feeling frustrated and in a way, rejected by all of the complications that kept seeping into our plan.

I prayed about it. Cried some. Then prayed some more. And that night, I had a dream. (No kidding!) In that dream, I basically got out if it that it didn't matter what package Jacob's faith came in. Sounds silly and a little over simplified but it made complete sense.

Why was I so set on our plan, when really it should have been in God's hands in first place?

I decided that since Leo had been gracious enough to marry me in a non-denominational Church, it was my turn to be gracious. I made a list of four more Churches that I hadn't yet called and one by one, I told them our story and was turned away so to speak. I only had one more to go - it was a Church in Claremont, just a few blocks from where we both work. I called and left a message for the Baptism Coordinator. She called me back within minutes of me hanging up and we immediately connected so well that we ended up talking for nearly an hour.

I proceeded to tell her our story and then I ended it with our little situation, when she reassured me over and over that it would not be a problem. She set-up a meeting for us to speak with a Deacon for the following week. I had a very good feeling.

Deacon Bob was warm and kind and when I told him that I was a Christian, he too said those same words that our Pastor had said to us years before, "We all have our own paths to God" and he capped it off with, "Really, we are all Christians." I can't tell you how happy I was to hear him say those words. We were both happy. He proceeded to answer all of our questions and we filled out the necessary paperwork to get the Baptism process started. We were elated, relieved and excited all at the same time.

We attended Church the very next Sunday in our Sunday best with Jacob in tow. Nervous, like it was the first day of school. We sat in the back row just in case we had to make a quick exit because we had no idea how Jacob would manage being quiet for nearly an hour. The first thing I noticed was the music - there was a band of musicians - a worship team if you will and many of the songs that they played were ones that I knew from my days at Calvary Chapel and even from Bellflower Brethren (a definite good sign!)

The message was spot on, I was able to follow along with ease and when I read the mission statement in the program, it reflected so many of the same values followed by the Brethren faith that I have come to love and live by. The biggest one being inclusivity. They also have an impressive amount of programming that is centered around family and they even have a private school attached to the Church, should we decide to go that route. Jacob much to our surprise managed exceptionally well and by the end of the service, we didn't even have to say a word. We just knew. After nearly 13 years of marriage, our prayers had been answered.

Thank you, Jesus.

P.S. I know I haven't posted in a long while - what can I say that I haven't said before? I am forever juggling my crazy busy life but I want you all to know that I really appreciate you sticking by me!

Enjoy the Day!
Missy

Thankful

As I reflect on the past year, the word thankful doesn't seem to cut it. I am filled with an overwhelming feeling of joy.
My life feels full and complete. And I am grateful for all of it - the good, the bad and the ugly.

Thankful for my husband who my heart still goes pitter-patter for after all these years.

Thankful for Jacob's long-awaited presence in our life and all of the many firsts we enjoyed together, as a family of three.

Thankful to my family, friends and soul-cysters who are a never-ending source of support and encouragement.

It's one thing to brave the journey alone but to be able to share that journey with other women who are dealing with the very same obstacles, frustration and grief. It is nothing short of a gift.

If you happen upon this blog and you are searching for answers and support surrounding infertility, miscarriage or infant loss, I urge you to reach out to us. Even those of us, who have been able to conceive and give birth to our miracle babies. We will keep you focused, determined and supported. More importantly, we'll help you see that miracles DO happen. Every day.

Just this morning, I received the amazing news that my good friend over at Punch Today in the Face is pregnant with her third miracle baby - Congratulations my friend!

This year has had its ups and downs. In the Spring, my little sister went in to have a lump removed from her breast. It was cancer. The good news is, it hadn't spread and they caught it early so she didn't have to endure chemotherapy. Instead, she was instructed to take a low grade radiation pill for a year. I pray that she is cured completely and that this is the last instance of  cancer for our family.

We endured but we also prevailed as a family. We fought hard and sometimes lost our minds alittle, but overall when I look back at 2012, I see lots and lots of things to be thankful for. Big things, like our little Jacob Mario and little things, like enjoying lunch at our favorite mexican restaurant in Ontario together, as a family.

Last night I found this free download via Dear Lizzy. It's a "Twelve Things We're Grateful for in 2012" list that I thought would be a perfect activity for the whole family before or after dinner. Check it out here.

I recently caught a glimpse of one of many neighborhoods in Staten Island who are still struggling to get back to normal life. It really puts things into perspective. Regardless of our individual situations, our past hurts and our current struggles, we all have something to be thankful for. Whether it's our health, the roof over our heads or the food on our tables, it's important to recognize what we do have and more importantly, to be genuinely thankful.

THANK YOU, for being a part of my journey!

Enjoy the Day!
Malissa

One For the Books

It's been a great fall season - one for the books, for sure.

I think it is safe to say that we are no longer a co-sleeping family. (Not that I am against it...) Jacob has been sleeping in his crib for about a month now and I can't begin to tell you how nice it has been to have our nights back. I am happily back to reading books, blogging and getting my general craftiness groove back, among other things. (hee-hee)

In early October, Jacob and I visited the Santa Ana Zoo with my little sister and her two daughters. If you haven't been, I highly recommend it. We enjoyed our lunch under a blanket of trees that overlooked a perfectly placed playground and it was relaxing to be able to just sit and talk.

Then we hit the ground running, starting off our little adventure in the rain forest aviary where they had the most beautiful waterfall. There were so many lush green trees and bushes - it was easy to forget that we were in Orange County.

We were able to see several types of monkeys - about fifty in total, plus an array of farm animals and birds. It was great because we were able to walk the entire park and pretty much see everything there was to see within just a couple of hours. I definitely plan on visiting again in the near future. Oh and did I happen to mention that admission was only $10 for adults and Jacob was free?

He attended his very first Homecoming Weekend in mid October. Leo brought him for a couple of hours so we were able to enjoy lunch together before we watched the football game from a park bench. As you can see, Jake sported a University of La Verne onesie that I picked up from the bookstore the day before. It was nice to have them both there to enjoy the festivities.

A few days later the three of us visited the Cal Poly Pumpkin Festival - his first trip to a pumpkin patch. It was very crowded and a bit warm, but we still managed to get our family photo taken as well as a ton of shots of him amidst the pumpkins. Jacob seemed to have a good time - he kept hitting the pumpkins and then flashing us with one of his huge grins. It was hilarious.

We also had three very special first birthdays to attend in October. About two weeks after having Jacob, I started going to a (new) Mom's Group that was led by our lamaze instructor. I am really glad I did because the group has helped me in so many ways and I've made some really great friends in the process. We try to meet up every few months and this December we plan to get together to have the boys photos taken together. Wouldn't it be cool if they all ended up being great friends for years and years to come?

But I digress. It was just really nice to be able to celebrate this very special milestone together. The birthday parties were adorable and lots of fun. It's interesting to see how the boys are developing in different ways and to see them go from tiny babies to one-year olds is just amazing to watch.

Although Jacob's birthday was on October 17th, we decided to celebrate it two weeks later because it fell on the week of Homecoming Weekend. It was a great day but I will gush over the details in a separate post so I can include lots and lots of photos. 

So that has been our Fall so far. I hope you are enjoying your fall season - isn't it magical? There is something about it that makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. I'm so grateful for the blessings that my little family has been given, but I am also always praying for those of you who are still hoping and praying for your miracle babies to arrive. I know it can be a difficult road, but I promise it will all be worth it in the end.

In fact, I believe it makes every single, silly moment even sweeter.

Enjoy the day!
Missy