On Days Like This One

On days like this one, to quiet my mind, I will usually take a few minutes to check my home page on facebook. I'll quickly scroll down and read the many posts from my family members, friends and co-workers - past and present. And usually I'll see a handful of posts that involve spending time with their kids. And yes. Of course, you can guess what happens next. Especially now, with the hope in my heart, as a result of us deciding to try artificial insemination, I will immediately wonder what my life would be like if I was a stay-at-home Mom. Or a Mom who works, which will most likely (if all goes as planned) be me. (I hope and pray)

On days like this, it's not hard to imagine myself keeping the kids busy with craft projects, day trips and carefully planned-down-to-the-minute excursions. Leo and I implementing our very own family traditions and peppering in some that were a part of our own childhoods, for good measure. It's hard to imagine, for me, exactly what it would be like because of the obvious. I do know that being a Mom would change everything. Unlike my days at work, there would be no breaks. No vacation or sick days. And no paid compensation, except for the many hugs, kisses and "I love you's."

On days like this, I wonder what kind of Mom I would be. Would I be strict or passive? Patient or flustered? Would I miss all of the "girlfriend time" I have now, with my friends who I love and adore? The quiet shopping trips and the lazy Sundays spent on the couch with Leo and our two cats. Or more importantly, would he and I make a good team? It's hard to tell but in my heart of hearts, I would like to think that we would be good parents. And I would like to think that I would be a good Mom. Not a perfect Mom. Or even a Mom to aspire to be like. Just me. It's easy to get lost in thoughts like these. On days like this.