Only Love

When I left home at age 18 I was determined to succeed. I didn't allow myself to sit for a minute. I wanted to prove to myself and to my family (honestly, mostly my Dad) that I could make it on my own.

At first, I thought, "this is it?," "this is easy." but as the months turned into years, I started to realize just how tough it really was. I still persisted. I didn't waiver. I kept moving forward. Inside, I was a scared little girl wanting to run back home but I was too proud and a bit stubborn. I relied heavily on keeping myself busy. Because lets face it, when your busy, it's very difficult to have self-doubt, to give up and throw in the towel.

I remember when I got my first apartment, I was so excited. I felt proud and accomplished. I bought my first bathroom shower curtain and matching toothbrush holder. I bought my first broom (I still have it to this day) and set of dishes. I settled in and made it a home but it didn't take long before the the initial excitement wore off; bills started rolling in and I had to figure out how to stretch my salary. The biggest wake-up call was realizing that I never really got to enjoy the apartment because I was always at work.

I managed to fit in a handful of parties but during that time in my life, work was the center of my world. I refused to make excuses. No exceptions or explanations. I was really hard on myself. I often wondered what I was put on earth to do and where was I meant to be - pretty heavy thoughts for an 18-year old. I made many mistakes - too many to count but I also soaked in every good and bad experience that came my way.

When I look back, I have tons of regrets and what if's. Difficult decisions I wished I didn't have to make. Circumstances that I wish had been different. But I can't go back and change the hands of time. It is what it is. And in the end, I suppose my circumstances and my choices then have made me who I am today. I'm still just as determined and stubborn and truth be told, these traits have served me well over the years.

Our family was not perfect. And when your just starting out, it's easy to think that you are the only one going through "stuff" but that just isn't true. Every family has their struggles and painful experiences. That's real life, I guess. But in our family, there were lots of good memories too. Memories of Dad making jokes and cooking in the kitchen. Mom putting her creative touches on everything she did, especially for the holidays. Fun family traditions and lots of love displayed through hugs, kisses and "I love you's" and I am grateful for it all. Today and always.

I love you, Mom & Dad!
XoXo

Note: I am attaching an image to this post that means a great deal to me. It is a message that my Dad wrote in a card that my parents gave to me for my very first promotion at work.

P.S. I had a lot of help along the way. I know this is not the best way to say thank you, but it is easier for me. Trust me, you don't want the obvious to happen - tear fest! Please forgive me as I thank you, in this very odd manner:

To my older sister for giving me shelter and for your unconditional love and support, to my younger sister - for your unwavering courage and encouragement every step of the way. To both of you for never judging me or questioning my decisions. And for being the few people in my life who really "get me." I love you both more than words could ever express. Teri and Eugene Matlock and Octavio and Isabel Rodriguez - for not only giving me shelter, but for making me feel like part of your family. Sue Newhouse - For your positive attitude and willingness to try anything once. You are my hero! Paula Brown, my boss at Sportmart - for always giving it to me straight. My friends and co-workers (past & present): God has blessed me with some pretty amazing friends. Thank you for being there when I needed you, for sticking by me through thick and thin and for all of the great memories thus far.