What If?

This week is National Infertility Week! Naturally, I felt it was important for me to dedicate today's post to the cause by doing my part to help spread awareness. Because let's face it - even though us girls will pretty much talk about everything and anything - infertility is probably not at the top of our list. Because of this, most women who struggle with infertility live with it silently, causing themselves shame, internal pain and conflict.

I recently stumbled upon this video by Keiko Zoll of Hannah Wept Sara Laughed by visiting my friend MissConception's website. I urge you to watch this short video no matter what your own situation is and then please, share it with others because you may unknowingly have several women in your life who are silently dealing with infertility now or who will face it in the very near future.


What IF from Keiko Zoll on Vimeo.

The fact is that today, 1 in 8 couples will face infertility and because it's not often discussed in the public forum, the lack of awareness contributes to the fact that infertility is still not recognized as a disease by the public, our politicians, healthcare professionals and the media. The end result is very little support and resources for women who are doing their best to navigate through what can be a completely overwhelming and gutt-wrenching process.

Another reason National Infertility Week is so important is to use this week to bust the myths. There are countless myths out there causing infertiles unnecessary stress and grief when faced with a loved one who is trying to help but may not be aware of the myths still thought of as facts. Here are two that I've encountered over the years:

Myth #1: If you relax, you will get pregnant
Well-meaning friends and relatives may suggest "infertility is all in your head" or "if you'd stop worrying so much, you'd get pregnant." But in reality, infertility is a disease or condition of the reproductive system -- and not a psychological disorder. In fact, one or more physical causes are identified in the vast number of infertile couples. So while relaxing, going on vacation, or finding positive ways to de-stress can improve your overall well-being, these lifestyle changes won't solve your infertility problems.

Myth #2: Once a couple adopts a child, the woman will become pregnant This particular myth is not only painful for infertile couples to hear, but it's also untrue. First of all, it suggests that adoption is simply a means to an end (a pregnancy), and not, in and of itself, a valid and wonderful way to form a family. Secondly, only about 5 percent of couples who do adopt later become pregnant. This success rate is the same for couples who don't adopt and become pregnant without further treatment.

Oddly enough, I myself know someone who got pregnant after their adoption paperwork had been finalized so it makes the second myth, at least for me, hard not to believe but the fact still remains - the percentage is only 5%. So as you go about your day, I urge you to use this one week (really, only 4 days left) to not only educate yourself but to help spread awareness of this growing issue for women.

If you are currently dealing with infertility alone - I encourage you to share your story with close family and friends and/or find a support group of women who going through the very same thing. (contact RESOLVE to locate a support group near you) Personally, I would highly recommend starting your own blog - even if it's just for your eyes only. Writing, for me, has been by far the single most cathartic thing I've done for myself over the past three years and you would be pleasantly surprised at the number of bloggers out there writing about their own struggles and triumphs over infertility.

For me, this group of women has taught me more in the last three years about infertility than any doctor or resource guide. Plus, when given the chance, they will jump at any opportunity to show their support and encouragement every step of the way. Regardless of my current situation (I finally triumphed over infertility after 9 years of trying!) my story is still very much a part of who I am today and  I often wonder, what if?

What if in the early stages of my story, I had the same circle of support I have now? What if I had access to the resources I have today? What if I had been able to save myself some valuable time? 

Now it's your turn to ask yourself...What if?

Spring Forward

Spring is definitely here. As I sit here typing away at my kitchen table, I can hear the birds chirping outside. The house is picked up and Sunny and Quincy are sleeping peacefully on the couch. I've been thinking a lot lately about the life I've had so far. I know, I know - pretty heavy stuff for a lazy Sunday afternoon but I can't help it. 

It's difficult for me not to feel completely blessed - I've had a very full life. And I'm not just talking happy-happy, joy-joy moments. I've pretty much experienced every emotion a human being can have in their lifetime. I've experienced my share of bad break-ups but I've also been lucky enough to marry the man of my dreams. I know what it's like to go without but I also know what it's like to be able to get everything I've ever imagined and more.

I've experienced more than my share of death but even more joyous additions to my family and community. I've been through terrible heartbreaks but also moments when I thought my heart would burst with joy. I've stumbled through messes but always managed to learn from them and move on a better person. I've had moments where I've felt completely isolated and alone but many more moments where I've felt filled with the knowledge that I am loved and very much cared for.

I've cried the full-on, gutt-wrenching, body shaking ugly-face looking kind of cry but I've also had the privilege of feeling as though my life couldn't get any better, through a smile from ear-to-ear.

I've been disappointed more times than I can count but I've also had my confidence in others fully restored. I've second guessed my path on more than one occasion but eventually I have landed right where I was meant to be. That's life, I suppose. Life isn't always happy endings but it's not all bad either. It's important to appreciate and reflect on both sides of the coin because I think it's the key to really feeling the full effect of true happiness.

We have to remember that in a split second, anything can change. Bad things happen to everyone - not just to good people. Whether we want to accept it or not, both kinds of experiences are necessary in life, vital even. 

Life is ride - a great big road of lessons. How we handle them - how we cope and learn from them will determine the quality of life that we live. And luckily for us, we have each other to lean on when times are hard. To soften the blow and offer comfort and guidance into the next stage in our lives. I'll be 38 next month and I can honestly say that I have never felt happier in my life, armed with the countless lessons and experiences I've had - to guide and strengthen me.   

I feel completely whole and prepared for the next stage in my life. I'm ready for anything - good or bad - that comes my way and I thank God everyday for the life I've had. I will continue to pray for those of you who are struggling through the hard times - trying to find and make sense of the lessons that are difficult to see at first. I will pray that you will soon find peace and comfort. I know it's hard. It's still fresh in my mind but always remember - we are all in this together.

Thank you to all of you who have been there for me over the years and especially for the past two. It's been a crazy ride but I'm stronger every day because of my faith in God and also because of all of you. Your friendship and love means more to me than you will ever know.

Spring is definitely here. I looked up the word just now and one of the definitions for Spring is to move forward - how fitting!

Enjoy the Day! 

Missy