Monday, February 28, 2011

March Fun & Foodie Finds


Must try this Peppermint Hot Chocolate recipe - Yum!
Everything you need to know about St. Patrick's Day
All-time favorite Easter Chocolate - the Cadbury Creme Egg
Cinnamon Pecan Stuffed French Toast - oh my! 
Don't laugh but I love this tres chic hoodie!
Him & Hers oversized coffee mugs - adorable! 
Who needs the book, when you've got the website?
Kiss Me I'm Irish garland banner - even if you're not irish! 
Check out this online guide to dream interpretation - interesting!
My new fave thing to do: surfing the web for baby shower themes
We all need a bit o luck around the house!
Quincy's going to love this adorable hat! (not likely)
Thinking of adding this to my wish list...for next few birthdays! :) 
Check out these super cute St. Patrick's Day downloads
Future brides: you're going to love this blog, 100 Layer Cake!
Make your very own Playlist - loving Lizzy's at the moment!
How cute are these breakfast themed cupcakes?
Admission: I've never eaten at Pinks Hot Dogs, have you?
Love this dress - perfect w/strappy wedges & a spring-y handbag
Recently discovered this artist, Imogen Heap - Love Half Life

Enjoy the Day!
Missy
 

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Together


I've been thinking a lot lately about how this dream come true came to be. What did I do right? Was there something I hadn't done before? Had I prayed differently? Maybe it was my Twelve by 2012 project or that I had finally stopped worrying and obsessing over the minutia of infertility? Was it my new perspective on things? Or maybe our dream came true because...well, just because. Sort of like a falling star. No rhyme or reason.  

It could of been one single thing but the more likely answer was that it was a combination of several things. I remember how it felt to hear others say, "I have been blessed with four wonderful children" because I would automatically question, "Does that mean that I am not blessed?" As a result, today I prefer to believe that we are all blessed, regardless of whether we have children or not. We are just blessed in different ways.   

And truth be told, I still have moments when I feel scared.
Worried I will get too attached and the past will repeat itself.  

And I know myself well enough to know that I must vocalize these fears because by suppressing them, they will only become more magnified. For the most part, my faith and confidence is strengthened by the subtle but very evident pregnancy side-affects, such as the constant nausea, my ability to fall asleep at nine pm, like clock-work and the endless trips to the restroom. (I'm definitely not complaining!) 

But it's most assuredly the long road to get here that makes it so hard for me to feel completely secure in my pregnancy. At least for now. It makes me feel fragile. Like a glass bowl that has a slight defect that cannot be easily seen. I would do anything to keep this baby - I'd stand on my head or lay flat on my back for the rest of my pregnancy if it meant I could keep this little bean - I'd do anything and everything for him/her because I know all too well that it only takes one phone call, one trip to the doctors office or one ultrasound for everything to change.

Even now though, in my current state of mind, I am still comforted by your friendship. I have been overwhelmed by a blanket of warmth and support to help me get here. My faith in God, first and foremost. And my husband has definitely earned his wings twice over by being my rock through thick and thin but I also believe that being able to connect with all of you has given me more strength and confidence that anything else thus far.

Through your own stories, your insights and encouragement, I was finally able to feel validated, understood and (almost) completely sane. And this has been by far the best place for me to process my thoughts, feelings and experiences. To work through the bad stuff and learn the necessary lessons so that I could finally let go and focus on the good. And in all honestly, even today, it's still feels very strange and foreign to be here....right here where I have wanted to be for so many years....especially when so many of you (my soul cysters) are still TTC.

The last couple of days, I had been catching up on my (blog) reading and through visiting some of your sites, I found myself feeling sad - my heart aches for you as I read your feelings of pain, frustration and fear. And my first instinct is to offer my insight but also share in your pain and help you feel comforted. But now that things are different, I worry, "Do you still want to hear from me?" Even though, I feel as though I know exactly what you are feeling, are my insights still relevant? I would never want to cause you any unnecessary pain. I truly just want to be there fore you, just like you have been there for me.  

Through writing this post, it's hard not to see the answer to my earlier stated question. It's clear as daylight to me now: I am here, right here where I had hoped to be because of all of you. Because of your love, your support, your encouragement and your prayers. It was through you that I was able to let go (a little) and prepare myself for whatever God had in store for us.

Together, we can get through anything. Conquer any fear. Overcome any obstacle. And even when the end result isn't what we hope for, we still have each other. To vent and cry with but also to process our feelings, make some sort of sense of them and work through them, together. Because we all need and deserve to feel whole, despite our own circumstances.    

I'm praying for you and here for you, always.


"Friendships make prosperity more shining and lessens adversity by dividing and sharing it."
Cicero (106 BC – 43 BC)

Enjoy the Day!
Missy

Thursday, February 24, 2011

All Smiles

Thank you for all of the sweet emails and comments, posts and prayers. These past two days, we have felt completely wrapped in love and prayer - what a great feeling! We are truly blessed to have such amazing and loving people our life.   

Tomorrow marks seven weeks into my pregnancy.  

Every morning when I wake up, it only takes a second for me to get this insanely huge smile on my face. 



To catch you up on the latest: Last Friday, Leo and I went to our first ultrasound. I was naturally very nervous. A bit apprehensive. And a little anxious, which means that I was a cool, calm and collected basket case. (makes sense to me!)

God must of been watching over me because we were called into the exam room within just a few minutes of signing in and then if that wasn't enough, Dr. Jacobson was in our room five minutes later, with a big smile on his face. He joked that he had heard a rumor....we both laughed and I was finally able to relax a little. 

He proceeded with the ultrasound, with Leo by my side, squeezing my hand. Thankfully, it wasn't long before we were able to see our little bean. He/She was too small to measure but we did get to see some flickering, which the doctor explained was the heart beat. This was a HUGE moment for us. Big, because with the previous two, we never saw a heartbeat. Surprisingly, I didn't cry - I was too happy to cry. In those few minutes, nothing else mattered and we couldn't take our eyes off the screen. 

It was just the two of us...watching our little bean on the screen
(Thank you, Jesus!) 

Of course, I had lots of great questions I had planned on asking but they all went out the window because I was still "buzzing" from the ultrasound. Dr. Jacobson took me off work until April 4th, which will get me safely into my second trimester. Bed-rest wasn't mentioned, thank goodness but I am definitely taking it easy, trying to do my best to occupy my time, while Leo is at work.

Sunny and Quincy have proven to be no help as they sleep most of the day but my sisters and nieces paid me a visit yesterday morning to make me a hearty breakfast of scrambled eggs, bacon, potatoes and biscuits and gravy - what a treat! We had a great time catching up and it felt good to be able to have them here to share in my excitement. It's been a whirlwind these past two weeks: a whirlwind of great happiness, pure love and the knowledge that miracles do happen when you least expect them to. And I'm all smiles.    

Enjoy the Day!
Missy 

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Stunned. Elated. Over the Moon Happy.

I've really been happier than I've been in years, content with letting go of all the pain and turmoil that PCOS and multiple miscarriages can cause. Completely satisfied with our decision not to try another round of IUI.

Instead, I have been focusing more on my marriage, my career, my Twelve by 2012 and whatever time I have left has been put into organizing fundraisers to raise money for Autism Speaks. But just when life couldn't get any better, something AMAZING happened to completely turn my/our world (willingly and happily) upside down. 

This morning at 4 am to be exact, I was completely and wonderfully caught by surprise


A positive pregnancy test....after literally hundreds of negative ones


I was stunned. elated. over the moon happy.

I immediately woke Leo up to get a second opinion and although he was still half-asleep, he confirmed the same thing I saw - a second line indicating that I was in fact, pregnant! I just stood there for a minute or two. No words - just a great big smile on my face. After some coaxing, I got back into bed and we both lay there talking and planning our next steps. Leo was his usual calm, cool and collected self and me on other hand, not so much.

My brain was buzzing with excitement and I couldn't seem to focus on any one particular thought. After we said everything we could have said on the subject, we both got really quiet I was finally able to relax. I let the idea of me being a Mom swim through my thoughts. Soon after, Leo had to get up to get ready for work and I opted to stay home on the couch to soak it all in. To relish in this moment that I've been waiting for, for nearly four years. I also wanted to be able to talk to my doctor about "the plan" before going back to work. 

Our very first doctor's appointment and ultrasound is scheduled for Friday at 9:30 am and I am off to get ready to go to the lab to have a blood test done. I can't thank all of you enough - for your prayers and encouragement, your love and support through all of this. I am tear-ing up, just thinking about the love that you have all surrounded me with. Today is definitely a very good day! 

Enjoy the Day!
Missy

Monday, February 14, 2011

I dreamed about you


When I was a little girl, I spent many days and nights dreaming about you. I dreamed about what our life would look like: two cute kids, a cat and maybe a dog living in a modest home - minus the picket fence. I thought about the goals we'd set and the dreams we'd make come true. The experiences we'd share, the trips we'd take as a family and the traditions we'd enjoy and carry on. Lazy Saturday morning breakfasts spent at home and holidays split between our parent's homes.

I didn't meet you at a mutual friend's party or at a local hang-out. I didn't run into you on a crowded street or at a family member's wedding. Our story began at a sporting goods store in Montclair, CA - where we both worked. Not the most romantic start of a story but I knew from the moment I laid eyes on you that you were the one for SO many reasons. Your smile - infectious. Your gaze - dizzying. Quiet and soft spoken. Your loving spirit and kind soul was evident to everyone who knew you and it was definitely not lost on me.

Quite the contrary - I was smitten.      


As we spent more time together, conversation became easy and I remember us laughing a lot. I loved every minute of those first couple of months we spent together, holding hands, just you and me. Days spent at the beach, talking for hours about our lives, our fears, our hopes and our aspirations. Discussing in great detail what we wanted in our relationship as well as what we didn't want. 

Gravity seemed to take over and I was head over heels in love

When you asked me to officially be your girlfriend, I remember thinking, "I must be the luckiest girl alive" and when you asked me to be your wife on Valentine's Day, I thought to myself, "I can't imagine being any happier than right now...in this moment."  


The best part is I still feel the same way today. Eleven years later and my love for you only continues to grow and I can't imagine spending my life with anyone but you. I love that we have tons of history and I enjoy remembering the trips we've taken, the events we've attended arm in arm, the un-planned trips to the beach, the late night conversations and early morning cuddling - the restaurants we've discovered and the sentimental gifts we've given each other over the years. It all amounts to lots and lots of sweet memories.

The picture of our life today is very different from from the picture I envisioned all those years ago but through our love for each other, the bond we share and the many blessings we have been given, the picture of our life has been beautifully edited and cropped just so to reflect only joy and happiness.

To the Man of my Dreams:
Happy Valentine's Day! 

xoxo, 
Missy  

Thursday, February 10, 2011

i love love.


i love love.

i love using xoxo's at the end of my emails and sealing delicate pink envelopes in hello kitty stickers. i love the color pink and the way it makes me feel when I wear it. (mental note: must where more pink) i love candle-lit dinners, soft fuzzy slippers and pink marshmallows. i believe white peonies are much more romantic looking than your typical rose. i'm a sucker for chick flicks, chick-lit and the cheesier the line, the better - in my book. "Swooner" should have been my middle name. (funny, i know but so true) i love baking to the sound of michael buble...or really any other time of day.

i love that it's february and i can still enjoy a cup of hot cocoa in my favorite oversized black and white mug with a heart shaped handle. (too cute for words) i love the sound of the santa ana winds this time of year at night, in my soft, warm bed. i love discovering new recipes to satisfy my sweet tooth and stationary sets in ever-so-cute packaging. i get giddy when i find a package at my front door step and i daydream about visiting faraway places and meeting the women i aspire to be...one day...soon. i love watching old reruns of the i love lucy show and singing to my favorite musical soundtracks on my way into work. (wicked and phantom to name just a few) 

i love valentine's day. alot. it's the perfect day to reflect on just how loved we are. the friends we cherish. the family members we miss and wish we could see more of and our little ones or in my case, my little creatures - our adorably sassy cats, sunny and quincy. and last but certainly not least, our partners. the ones who still manage to cause our heart to skip a beat. love. true love. sweet glances. light kisses and blissful memories never forgotten. i enjoy sipping sweet sparking wine. i am a what you would call a hopeless romantic - a sucker for love notes and a fan of the queen of everything.

i love traditional necco sweet hearts but a large box of chocolate causes me to squeal in delight. (doesn't everyone respond that way?) i look forward to receiving valentines but i enjoy giving them much, much more. i believe saying "i love you" should be said more and saying "i care" even more. i never get tired of coming up with creative ways to tell my family and friends just how much they mean to me and i love nothing more than showering L.H. a.k.a, my valentine with hugs and kisses. valentines day just seems to fit me like a shoe.

what do you love about valentines day?

xoxo
missy

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

And the Award Goes To...


I was recently awarded the, "I Love this Blog" award by fellow blogger, Miss Conception. She is an amazing writer, a great supporter and a kindred spirit (and we've only just met!) Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I had just been thinking over the last couple of days, "I wish I had more time to write, to re-vamp and re-organize." Sometimes I feel so selfish for talking so much about myself - my likes, my dislikes and my crazy, sometimes erratic thoughts and feelings, but I try to think of this spot as my very own place...to do just that. My blog - my very own little corner in this great big world. 

Thank you to those of you who follow my blog and those of you who read it anonymously. I am forever grateful for our mid-day and late-night talks, (even though, for the most part, they are very one-sided...but none the less...) Thank you for your ever-ready ear, your supportive and encouraging comments and for always turning a blind-eye to my grammar and spelling errors. (An English major, I'm not...I think this sentence proves it)

Here's How This Award Works: 
 
1. Thank and link back to the person who gave you the award
2. Share 7 things about yourself
3. Award some recently discovered bloggers that are deserving
4. Contact those bloggers and let them know about the award


My 7 Things About Myself:

I love rainy days 
My favorite author is Nicholas Sparks 
I'm a huge fan of Hello Kitty 
I can only work and write to R&B music 
I love chili cheese fries 
90% of the time, I wear jewelry with hearts

So now, it's that time. Time for my pick(s) for the "I Love This Blog Award." All of these ladies constantly inspire me and make me want to always do better, write better and be better. Thank you for letting me in and sharing your awe-inspiring stories, for helping me find my very own creative side, for your awesome-ness and your "party fabulous-ness."

Snails & Snips
Bird's Party
My Strand of Pearls
My Favorite Things
A Country Girl in the City

Congrats, Ladies! 
XoXo

Missy

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

February Sweet Finds


       Enjoy the Day!  
    Missy