Finding Our Home

When I was a little girl my family attended Bellflower Brethren Church. I loved this Church. I have so many great memories from the music to the lessons, the holiday performances and the huge picnics on the lawn - potlucks in the large recreation room on the first floor of the two-story building. Everybody knew eachother on a first name basis and I always felt at home. And Pastor Cashman was warm and charismatic.

We left in the early 80's because my parents bought a house in Ontario. We had tried to travel back a few times but it was a long drive, especially with five rambunctious kids in the car. We attended a few local Churches over the years but I never really got the same feeling.

When Leo and I started dating our hurdle became the fact that we were from different faiths. I had heard several Pastors speak on this subject and they always stated with conviction that they would not marry a couple who came from different faith backgrounds. Quite honestly, this didn't deter me or cause me to second guess our relationship. I had faith that God brought Leo into my life and I refused to believe that he would disapprove of our marrying eachother.

He proposed to me on a rainy Valentine's Day at Shoreline Village in Long Beach. Soon after we set the date for November 12, 1999 and we started planning the wedding in early Summer. Almost immediately we had a very difficult time finding a Church that would marry us. We must have talked to a dozen different pastors from non-denominational Churches. I had all but given up when Leo's sister recommended a Church in San Dimas.

Leo and I met with the Pastor and after a brief introduction and explanation of our situation, he reassured us by saying, "Everyone has their own path to God" and he happily agreed to marry us. It was a beautiful ceremony and we both felt grateful to him for making us feel so welcomed into his Church. Unfortunately for us, he left shortly after

And we were back to square one again....

We tried several more Churches in the non-denominational faith and each time Leo was such a trooper. He never complained or hinted that he preferred to go to a Catholic Church. I think he could sense how important this was to me. I really just wanted to find our home. A place where we could both grow in our faith together. But many times what kept us from returning were not-so-nice comments made by the Pastor about the Catholic faith during the sermon.

I agreed with Leo wholeheartedly when he didn't want to return because we both agreed that was not okay. It is never okay (in our book) for one faith to put down another. Needless to say, it left me feeling frustrated and disheartened to the point to where I had given up. That's not to say that I stopped praying. I don't know a lot but I do know that I need God's presence in my life to help me, guide me and sustain me when times are tough.

When Jacob came into our lives the subject inevitably came up again.

We both felt it was important for him to be raised in the Church so he could have the same foundation of faith we both had. I was cautiously optimistic but also a little weary.

At first we decided that we would raise him in both faiths. We would baptize him in the Catholic Church but we would visit a Christian Church fairly often so he would be able to learn both. That didn't go over very well with the first Priest that we met with, and for good reason in hind sight. But still, I found myself feeling frustrated and in a way, rejected by all of the complications that kept seeping into our plan.

I prayed about it. Cried some. Then prayed some more. And that night, I had a dream. (No kidding!) In that dream, I basically got out if it that it didn't matter what package Jacob's faith came in. Sounds silly and a little over simplified but it made complete sense.

Why was I so set on our plan, when really it should have been in God's hands in first place?

I decided that since Leo had been gracious enough to marry me in a non-denominational Church, it was my turn to be gracious. I made a list of four more Churches that I hadn't yet called and one by one, I told them our story and was turned away so to speak. I only had one more to go - it was a Church in Claremont, just a few blocks from where we both work. I called and left a message for the Baptism Coordinator. She called me back within minutes of me hanging up and we immediately connected so well that we ended up talking for nearly an hour.

I proceeded to tell her our story and then I ended it with our little situation, when she reassured me over and over that it would not be a problem. She set-up a meeting for us to speak with a Deacon for the following week. I had a very good feeling.

Deacon Bob was warm and kind and when I told him that I was a Christian, he too said those same words that our Pastor had said to us years before, "We all have our own paths to God" and he capped it off with, "Really, we are all Christians." I can't tell you how happy I was to hear him say those words. We were both happy. He proceeded to answer all of our questions and we filled out the necessary paperwork to get the Baptism process started. We were elated, relieved and excited all at the same time.

We attended Church the very next Sunday in our Sunday best with Jacob in tow. Nervous, like it was the first day of school. We sat in the back row just in case we had to make a quick exit because we had no idea how Jacob would manage being quiet for nearly an hour. The first thing I noticed was the music - there was a band of musicians - a worship team if you will and many of the songs that they played were ones that I knew from my days at Calvary Chapel and even from Bellflower Brethren (a definite good sign!)

The message was spot on, I was able to follow along with ease and when I read the mission statement in the program, it reflected so many of the same values followed by the Brethren faith that I have come to love and live by. The biggest one being inclusivity. They also have an impressive amount of programming that is centered around family and they even have a private school attached to the Church, should we decide to go that route. Jacob much to our surprise managed exceptionally well and by the end of the service, we didn't even have to say a word. We just knew. After nearly 13 years of marriage, our prayers had been answered.

Thank you, Jesus.

P.S. I know I haven't posted in a long while - what can I say that I haven't said before? I am forever juggling my crazy busy life but I want you all to know that I really appreciate you sticking by me!

Enjoy the Day!
Missy

Thankful

As I reflect on the past year, the word thankful doesn't seem to cut it. I am filled with an overwhelming feeling of joy.
My life feels full and complete. And I am grateful for all of it - the good, the bad and the ugly.

Thankful for my husband who my heart still goes pitter-patter for after all these years.

Thankful for Jacob's long-awaited presence in our life and all of the many firsts we enjoyed together, as a family of three.

Thankful to my family, friends and soul-cysters who are a never-ending source of support and encouragement.

It's one thing to brave the journey alone but to be able to share that journey with other women who are dealing with the very same obstacles, frustration and grief. It is nothing short of a gift.

If you happen upon this blog and you are searching for answers and support surrounding infertility, miscarriage or infant loss, I urge you to reach out to us. Even those of us, who have been able to conceive and give birth to our miracle babies. We will keep you focused, determined and supported. More importantly, we'll help you see that miracles DO happen. Every day.

Just this morning, I received the amazing news that my good friend over at Punch Today in the Face is pregnant with her third miracle baby - Congratulations my friend!

This year has had its ups and downs. In the Spring, my little sister went in to have a lump removed from her breast. It was cancer. The good news is, it hadn't spread and they caught it early so she didn't have to endure chemotherapy. Instead, she was instructed to take a low grade radiation pill for a year. I pray that she is cured completely and that this is the last instance of  cancer for our family.

We endured but we also prevailed as a family. We fought hard and sometimes lost our minds alittle, but overall when I look back at 2012, I see lots and lots of things to be thankful for. Big things, like our little Jacob Mario and little things, like enjoying lunch at our favorite mexican restaurant in Ontario together, as a family.

Last night I found this free download via Dear Lizzy. It's a "Twelve Things We're Grateful for in 2012" list that I thought would be a perfect activity for the whole family before or after dinner. Check it out here.

I recently caught a glimpse of one of many neighborhoods in Staten Island who are still struggling to get back to normal life. It really puts things into perspective. Regardless of our individual situations, our past hurts and our current struggles, we all have something to be thankful for. Whether it's our health, the roof over our heads or the food on our tables, it's important to recognize what we do have and more importantly, to be genuinely thankful.

THANK YOU, for being a part of my journey!

Enjoy the Day!
Malissa

My 2012 New Year's Resolution

Image Source

Hello all - it's that time of year again when we sit down and write down all of the things we would like to accomplish in the coming year and for some reason, I have already hit the ground running. Something about having Jake in my life makes me want to be a better person. This year I took an idea from a fellow blogger (who I just adore) and created categories for this year's goals, which are as follows: 

Health:
1. Limit fast food meals to 3 total per week
2. Lose 10-15 pounds (or at the very least maintain my current weight)
3. Plan healthier home-cooked meals at least 4 days a week

Jake
1. Create a more consistent bedtime routine
2. Break the habit of Jake sleeping in our bed by 6 months old

Home:
1. Finally decorate our bedroom
2. Create a picture wall in our stairway
3. Organize Jake's closet by adding shelving and double rods
4. Hang shelves and other items on Jake's walls
5. Create a guest bedroom

Blogging, Journaling & Scrapbooking
1. Blog a minimum of every other day
2. Scrapbook #1: Baby showers
3. Scrapbook #2: Jake's first year
4. Start journaling daily thoughts & record Jake's milestones
5. Figure out the cheapest way to print photos taken for past 5 years, then get to printing! 

Other
1. Organize rummage/bake sale to raise money for Autism Speaks
2. Have a quilt made from my favorite Jake outfits  
3. Purchase some sort of jewelry in remembrance of my two angels 01/06/12

As you can see, I'm going to be a very busy girl in 2012 but something tells me that the things that the one thing that is bound to fall by the wayside is the scrapbooking because when faced with either playing with Jake and scrapbooking, playing with him will always win. One idea I have is to utilize my lunch hour during the work week, even if I just dedicate 1-2 days per week - it's better than nothing, I figure.

So...enough about me - what's on your new year's resolution?

Enjoy the day!
Missy

Being Thankful

Jacob has a cold. I had hoped to keep him healthy for at least a couple of months but I came down with a sore throat and sniffles on tuesday night so I suppose it was only a matter of time before he caught it. Poor baby. I called his pediatrician to arm myself with some much needed advice before heading into the weekend but was informed that we really can't give him any medicine: only vicks vapor rub and a humidifier to ease the congestion and of course, we will be monitoring his temperature.

It's still hard to believe that Jacob's finally here. When I go to sleep every night and when I wake up every morning, he's the first person I think about. He's all I can think about these days. (I hope all of you can hang in with me and resist un-following me to get away from the constant "Jacob babble.") I just can't help it - he's so easy to fall in love with, with his big brown eyes, chubby cheeks and button nose. He's smiling more and more every day and my favorite thing this week has been when he falls asleep with his head on my shoulder, his body all curled up like a ball. This must be what pure joy feels like.

The cozy recliner we bought for his room has finally arrived - we plan to pick it up from Babies R Us this weekend. I'm really looking forward to the time Jacob and I will spend in it, rocking and reading to him just before bed time. I hope to grow his book collection for just this reason. I loved reading as a child and still do to this day. It's sort of a passion of mine that started very early for me so I'd love to pass it on to him.

Thanksgiving is less than a week away and I'm looking forward to spending time with family. This year I have SO much to be thankful for, I almost feel guilty because I really couldn't ask for anything more. I've got the guy, the house and now the beautiful baby boy. Even still, it's impossible for me to forget about those who are still struggling to conceive. I continue to pray that their dream of being a mom will come true very, very soon. 

Christmas will be here before we know it. I keep pondering the idea of decking the halls for Jacob's first christmas but the task is not an easy one. It typically takes me a full day so the idea of doing it all in one day this year is nearly impossible. So the question is, do I brave the feat and do it over a couple of days while he naps? or just forego the decking of the halls altogether this year? I'm still not sure but will need to make a decision soon to make it worthwhile. There's nothing worse than feeling as though you had just put the decoration up only to take them all down.

Only one thing will be missing this holiday season and that is my mom's presence. As some of you may already know, she lives in Utah but it's times like these when I wish she still lived in California. Truth be told, I am (secretly) hoping her hubby will give in and send her to California for a few days even if it is just before or after Christmas but I'm also preparing myself in case it doesn't happen.

Well, I guess I am done rambling for one day. I leave you all with my thankful list for 2011 and if I don't post again before then, I want to wish you a very Happy Thanksgiving and as always, thank you for listening (reading)!

This year, I am thankful for:

1. My husband - An amazing provider who also happens to be my very best friend
2. My baby boy - you are truly a miracle and I couldn't imagine loving you any more than I already do!
3. My mom - for giving us so many wonderful family traditions that I look forward to sharing with Jacob
4. My family - for your love, encouragment and support

5. My friends - for the laughter and joyful memories
6. My fellow blogger friends - for inspiring me never to give up and to always hold on to hope!
7. My cats - because they bring us so much joy
8. My home - of twelve years that is filled to the brim with love, warmth and great memories

9. My job - because it allows me to be me: organized, creative, crafty and a little bit of a control freak!
10. EDD - because without it, I wouldn't be able to stay home with Jacob until January 3rd!
  

Enjoy the Weekend! 

Missy    

Busy Bees

Hello! It's me. Malissa...the author of this blog. I know - it's been awhile. Once again. Life has been a-buzz with work, activity, baby preparations and birthday celebrations, a much-needed vacation to Mexico and more work.

I do want to sincerely thank all of you for sticking with me, despite my ability to go missing in action for weeks at a time. I think about blogging all the time but then I remember what is on my plate for the day and it gets pushed to the very end of my list of things to do. I'm sure my reasons are not foreign to you. We are all busy bees trying to keep up with the momentum that life tends to create for us, despite our efforts to prevent it. 

Sometimes I wonder what all of you have been up to. What types of activities and responsibilities fill-up your days? I'd love to know. I've been far more inquisitive than normal lately - asking everyone I know - especially those who manage to work a full-time job and raise children how they juggle everything. It's all a big mystery to me at this point but I'm also excited - anxiously awaiting all of the changes that are about to take place in our seemingly quiet life.

Yesterday I signed us up for the hospital tour and we also start Lamaze classes next month. Watch out people, we're on our way to learning everything we possibly can about the birthing process. I was talking to a friend just last night and she suggested getting a midwife...anyone out there have any experience with this? She seemed pretty positive about it - having tried it for several of her deliveries.

There have been lots of kicking these days and I doubt I will ever tire of it. Sometimes when I'm watching television I'll catch myself focusing my attention on my ever-growing belly instead of the television - I just can't help it. It's just such an amazing feeling - to know that our little Jacob is in there...kicking away. And yes folks, it is official. We have selected a name: Jacob Mario Hernandez. I've always love the name Jacob and Mario was lovingly selected in memory of my little brother Mario who passed away years ago. (sigh)

I'm also happy to report that my energy level is still going strong and thankfully I don't have gestational diabetes. In fact, since early March I've only gained 12 pounds. Although, I haven't been weighed since our vacation to Mexico last week. Chances are, I gained a couple of pounds from the endless buffets and late night snacks but isn't that what vacations are for? (anyone? anyone?)

So things are definitely going great. Busy as usual but still - enjoying every single minute of this pregnancy. As always, thank you for listening (reading) and I hope you all have a great weekend!

Missy

P.S. Here are a few photos from our trip!

A Rough Night

We had a rough night last night - spending nearly six hours in the emergency room. The baby is fine. It was just me that was needing some reprieve from a blistering headache that wouldn't seem to go away. I had woke up that morning with congestion in my chest and a horrible, almost indescribable headache. I laid around most of the day with the lights and the television off to try to avoid having to take aspirin but it just persisted. 

Later that evening, I went to bed at around 8:30 pm but instead of sleeping, I tossed and turned, squeezing my head with both hands to try and alleviate some of the pressure. Two hours later, when I got up to use the restroom, I felt feverish, dizzy and lightheaded, which was the final straw for me: it was time to go to the emergency room. And let me just say, that was the LAST place I wanted to go. I don't like emergency rooms for obvious reasons - it's a room full of sick people. Even people who aren't typically germ phobic probably think the same thing - what else am I going to catch in the place? But I kept thinking, what if all of this is affecting the baby? It's not just about me anymore.

We arrived at 10:30 pm to a room full of people and my heart sank. All I could think was I should have come earlier because we were going to be here for hours, which meant no sleep for either of us. We checked in and thankfully found a spot in the far corner. Two television sets were on and there were people talking, texting, playing video games and the lights were super bright - not a very conducive environment for a splitting headache.

Two hours into our wait, a woman was wheeled in to the emergency room, her head and body covered in a  blanket. I won't go into the details but the image is definitely not one that I will soon forget. Part of me felt so badly for her - praying that she would be okay but the other part of me - the part that was feeling very sick and "out of it" just wanted it to be over. I kept praying they would call my name every time I heard the doors open because by this point, I was feeling nauseous and was (internally) panicking over the possibility of getting sick in the emergency room bathroom.  
   
Finally, a little after 2:00 am I was admitted and assigned to a room. The doctor ordered some blood work and fluids via an IV. An hour and a half later, we found out that the primary diagnosis was a viral infection. The secondary diagnosis was dehydration, which caused the headache and dizziness. After the IV was finished, I was given a prescription for the nausea and was told I could take Tylenol or Aspirin for the headache. It was 4:00 am and we were (finally) headed home.

I had never been happier to be in my own bed and thankfully, I am feeling much better this morning. But most importantly, I am SO relieved that our little bean wasn't affected in any way.  

Enjoy the Day!
Missy

Blissful Lingering and Completely Present

I have been missing in action lately, I know. It's funny - I have all the time in the world now to blog yet I really haven't made the time. I have a pretty regular schedule though. I found out very quickly that I needed a schedule to keep me sane in this very quiet house of ours. I wake up at around 8am, eat a breakfast that usually consists of cereal or oatmeal, take a shower and get dressed - not because I have anywhere to go but because it makes me feel less like a bum. Then it's time to hit the computer to check email and work on our upcoming family fundraiser to raise money for Autism.

I take many breaks throughout the morning to use the restroom and snack on baby carrots, edamame and lots of water. Next, I might straighten up the house and put in a load of laundry while watching an episode of My Baby Story. (Love TLC these days) Then it's time to walk down to our mailbox to pick up our mail, hoping for some nice surprises in the form of in-kind donations. Lunch usually consists of a turkey sandwich, baked lays and a pickle and not because I'm pregnant but because I've always loved pickles. 



My afternoons are usually spent reading Safe Haven, by Nicholas Sparks. I am nearly half way to the end of the book, which makes me a bit sad. Then it's time to prep dinner, which can vary greatly these days, depending on my tummy. The television is typically tuned into Ellen almost every day at 4pm - I love her show, always up-beat and filled with laughter.

Then I anxiously wait for Leo to arrive home from work so that we can sit down at the table and eat dinner together. As he talks about the events of his day, I usually catch myself thinking, I really don't have much to offer in the way of conversation these days and I wonder, is this what it feels like to be a stay at home wife/mother? Where your life literally revolves around your husband and child? (I'm guessing on the child part)

I've always been pretty independent, always looking for something to try or accomplish. And if I am being very honest, my life has always revolved around my work. And not because it is more important to me than my marriage or my family and friends but because working hard (more often than not) equals financial stability, which is very important to me. But I have also always defined myself by my abilities and successes at work. Which, I don't believe is all bad but there is SO much more to me. I can see that clearer, now more than ever.  

In just these past few weeks that I have been home alone with my thoughts, I've learned a lot about myself. Like that I enjoy being "in the mix." (But really...who doesn't? Anyone?) And I require a certain amount of human interaction per day, whether through a phone or face to face conversation. Thank God for email, text messaging, lunch dates and surprise phone calls from family and friends who check in on me on a regular basis. (Thank you!)

I am really enjoying this time to be be still and quiet, dilly-dallying through my day, relaxing and preparing for a very different soon-to-be future. And I am also spending a lot of time praying. In a previous post titled Linger More, I had been dreaming and hoping for a time when I could do just that: linger more. What a blessing this pregnancy has been already. Every day I feel stronger and more and more confident because I know that I am ready and completely prepared for this. And for the first time in my life, I am finally feeling completely present in my own life. I am no longer just a spectator. I guess that's the power of lingering! 

Update: our next ultrasound is scheduled for this Friday at 8am!

Enjoy the Day!
Missy

Giving Thanks

Photo by: Mckenzie Oerting

In light of Thanksgiving, I thought I would take a
moment to "give thanks" to God. 

  

Thank you. Thank you for my life.
Thank you for my husband of eleven years.
Thank you for our health, for the roof over our heads and for our stable jobs.

Thank you for believing in me, when I didn't even believe in myself.

Thank you for always listening, really listening.

Thank you for my family - for their love and their strength.
And for Leo's family - for their constant support and encouragement.

Thank you for bringing me true friendships that have brought me more joy than I could have ever imagined.

Thank you for the warmth and the the stability that your love brings me.

Thank you for never giving up on me and for overlooking my many flaws and weaknesses.

Thank you for bringing me so much inspiration and joy through writing, blogging and reading.

And thank you for making so many of my wishes come true!

Looking Up

Up. Never down. Always blue. At least in my mind. The sun is out. The wind whips past my face. I'm knee deep in earth. The soil at my very finger tips, finding it's way under my fingernails - no matter how careful I am. I'm pulling weeds. The sky is my motive - to stay outdoors. It is a beautiful day. An exceptionally beautiful day. It's amazing how alive I feel. Right. Now. Here. In this moment in my back yard. I don't even need my IPod. There are many birds in our yard fluttering about. They surround me with peaceful songs.

It's relaxing. Comforting. I wonder to myself why don't do this more often? Who would have thought that I'd actually enjoy this? Certainly not me. I make a mental note to try and remember this. I stand up to give my back a break and turn around to see my cats, Sunny and Quincy perched in the kitchen window - quietly watching my every move. I look around. Really take it all in and think to myself - this is my place of peace. My safe zone. Our home. The spot we return to every day after a long day of work. Our refuge. Together.

Life happens and we naturally look away. We look past the pain, the hurt and sometimes anger. We may even at times look down and forget to look around. To really look up and take notice. The sky, the flowers, the fluttering birds with their joyful songs. The simple act of pulling weeds. Getting back to basics. Right here and right now. I am happy. I look up at the beautiful blue sky today and thank God for this day. This hour of reflection. This life.

Sunny & Quincy

Last April, we adopted two adorable kittens, Sunny and Quincy. Sadly, they don't look much like kittens anymore - now they look like full grown cats but they are still incredibly cute! It had been nearly16 years since I'd had a cat so I went into it thinking "I knew it all." Boy was I wrong!

I always knew that cats were cuddly, playful and full of personality but I never knew just how smart and clever they are. For instance, if I don't put enough food in their bowl, they will make it their mission to get more. As a result, I hid their food in the craziest of places and not only did they always find it but they also figured out how to get into the airtight container. (Thankfully, I have since found a good place.)

I am a very neat and organized person - no surprise there but Sunny and Quincy, well they are far from it. They have a tendency to make a mess, without even trying. For instance, Quincy loves to play with empty water bottles or better yet, the cap to the water bottle. He'll swat a cap around for hours as if it was his very own special toy. (I spent lots of money early on buying endless amounts of cat toys only to be thrown into a basket by the couch) So, inevitably when you walk into my kitchen there are several empty water bottles and plastic caps scattered about, which to unexpected guests may seem terribly odd.

Sunny on the other hand prefers the plastic from our drycleaning and the little tags that are attached to each piece of clothing. He also loves paper bags or even better, just a plain old box. It is so funny to watch him poke his head in a box over and over again, as if he is expecting to find something different the next time and the time after that. He is also without a doubt a hard core cuddler. You could get up off the couch a million times and he will still come back and cuddle some more. Quincy on the other hand has to be in the mood. You can call him several times and he'll just look at you as if he is simply contemplating the idea.

On most mornings Sunny can be found laying by the glass sliding door in the kitchen watching leaves float by in the wind or bird watching in constant awe of their ability to fly. And Quincy can often be found anywhere Leo is. If Leo's in the shower, he's sitting on the bathroom counter. If Leo is in the office, he will lay on the floor just outside the door. And it kills Quincy to see us eating "people food" while he gets plain old cat food. He will literally sit and watch us eat, as if to say, "are you sure I can't have just one bite?" A couple of times I almost gave in but with his appetite I worry that once he's tasted it, he'll never go back to cat food. (I tell myself I am a good Mom for making this choice for him)

I must admit, when I brought them home in April, Leo wasn't completely on board. He was worried that our lives were too busy for us to have a pet. (and rightfully so) but I persisted. It literally took less than an hour after their arrival for cute little Sunny and Quincy to melt his heart and now they are very much part of our family. They have definitely enriched our lives in so many ways. It may sound strange but the word that best describes the feeling I get from them is comfort. No matter what, even if they are tired or hungry they are always there wanting to cuddle or play or just lounge around. And we are certainly happy to oblige.

Time

In life there are limitless responsibilities. Naturally, things are bound to fall through the cracks. But when your in the middle of it, the thick of it - when your feeling as though life is running you, instead of the other way around, don't fret. Don't even give it a second thought. Because, when the project is done, school is finished and your "out of the woods". Basking in the light at the end of the tunnel - you will find the time.

Time to make that phone call. Write that letter. Re-organize your life and re-discover the real you. Now you will set the tone. Set the pace. Set the date. You will feel accomplished, fulfilled and proud. Because you did what you set out to. Never gave up. You made it happen. All by yourself.

Until then, keep your head down. Stay in the fight and focus on the light at the end of the tunnel. Go easy on yourself. Give yourself some breathing room. No unnecessary expectations and plenty of leeway to make a mistake or two, or even three. Put a calendar on the wall, and at the end of each day, write in a big red "X" to symbolize that you are one step closer to the completion of your goal/project. Before you know it, you'll be walking up to the stage to receive your diploma or walking out of a staff meeting smiling proudly from all the "Well done's" and "Good Work's."

dedicated to M.H. xoxo

Not Ready for the Sun

I'm not ready for the sun just yet. I know it sounds strange coming from a girl who was born and raised in California but it's true. I love the cold...the wind...and the rain. Especially when I'm at home...warm and cozy typing away while the wind blows through the vents and rattles the windows. Somehow it calms me. Again, I know it's strange.

I'm hoping for just a few more weeks of pre-empted warmth. The feeling you get when you are drinking a cup of hot chocolate, the way it warms you from the inside out. The ability to wear a brightly colored scarf without a look or a smirk. The need for a warm and cozy polar fleece blanket on our bed and my favorite leopard printed umbrella. My long wool coats and my short leather jacket.

Soon I will have to trade them all in for things like flip-flops, cotton sheets and sunscreen. Pare down. Wear less and feel more. But for now, I plan to enjoy every cold/windy/rainy day that comes my way. The storage boxes will have to wait. I'm in no rush. Again, I know it's strange.

Life interrupted.

Is it just me or is it getting harder to "do it all"? I would like to think that I do a pretty good job overall but then there are moments when nothing seems to be getting done and several areas of my life are showing signs of neglect.

I have always loved the idea of "simplifying" and I do my best to keep this a goal of mine but even with my best intentions simplicity isn't always possible when most of what you do in life involves dealing with other people. Even something as simple as going to the grocery store can throw a person into a tailspin.

The crazy thing is, I don't even have kids. I can't even imagine how my list would get done if I had kids. I guess that's just it - some things inevitably don't get done. Maybe that is the answer. Like for the past few weeks I've been meaning to clean out the closets, make a trip to the salvation army, catch up on scrapbooking (at this point, I am years behind), have my car serviced and so on but you know how it is. Things happen. daily and almost without warning. Recently I've just resolved myself to the thinking that it will all get done. Maybe not today or tomorrow or even next week.

When the opportunity presents itself, I will undoubtedly seize the moment. Until then I will let life happen. bring it on. Enjoy what happens when you don't plan or strategize. No date scribbled on the calendar. Just a whim. A thought or an idea. I am going to allow myself to linger more. plan less. It will be hard - it's always hard for me but I must admit, it's definitely getting easier. much easier than you probably think.