Dissaray, Entitlement and Gaining Perspective

This morning I decided to take a break from getting my house back in order after getting new carpet installed yesterday. As I logged into facebook, I was feeling really overwhelmed by the amount of work still needing to be done until I saw the above image on my news feed and I immediately felt silly and selfish. My issue of having a house in dissaray seems non-existent in comparison to the countless people out there who live every day without adequate food, clothing and shelter.

It also reminds me of a conversation I had with a friend a few days ago. She is having problems with her 29-year old daughter who just recently quit trade school without any explanation and moved back home - no job and no car. My friend's life was completely turned upside down in a matter of days because her daughter decided she didn't want to be a grown up anymore. She was back to expecting her laundry done, her shopping list not only paid for but picked up and her meals cooked and plate washed after every meal.

This apparently freed her up not to go out and look for a job but to shop on her mom's dime and party till all hours of the night, then sleep all day. My friend loves her daughter very much so she gives in every time, thinking she is only doing what a parent should do but I have to wonder (despite my lack of experience) is this the right thing to do? Is she teaching her daughter anything by doing everything for her? Enabling her to continue wasting her life away partying and sleeping all day?

We all have a tendency to forget that it is OUR life after all, nobody else's and entitlement for some reason seems to be running rampant these days. "You are my Mom - therefore you should ALWAYS support me." This is a very large pill for me to swallow - it just doesn't seem right and where does the feeling of entitlement come from? I can tell you that from what I have seen, it can cause a great deal of guilt, anguish and stress for any mother who loves their child.

I wish I could help my friend more - all I could really do is listen and offer my encouragement and support. I wish we all could pay more attention to those who have very little or nothing at all instead of focusing our attention to the material things we want and worse yet, forcing those closest to us to adhere to our wishes and wants. Life isn't about the things we posess, it's about the relationships we build, the memories we create and the obstacles we overcome.

When others do for us, we miss out on the feeling of real accomplishment. When we've done something all by ourselves - regardless of the work, blood, sweat and sometimes tears - the things we work hardest for are usually the same things that reap the best rewards. It's easy to lose sight of this especially when you are in the trenches and feeling completely overwhelmed but it is possible to pull ourselves out of the situation long enough to gain some persepective, like the image above that was posted on somebody's wall this morning.

I'm glad that I took the time to log in to facebook because I see now how silly my feelings were - perspective gained by one powerful image. It's easy to look away and toss the lesson to be learned aside, especially when the image is not a happy one, but in my experience, you usually gain so much more.

How does this image change the way you see your current situation or life?

Enjoy the Day!

Missy

Our Village

Hello All!

It's been a busy couple of weeks - full of work, lamaze classes (finished the last class last night), doctor's appointments (we're seeing Dr. C once a week now), more work and baby prepping errands. I also had two more baby showers bringing our final shower count to five. I know this is not the norm but I'm definitely not complaining. Instead, we are both feeling really, really loved.

The first shower was hosted by Leo's coworkers - it was great to see some old faces and also to meet several new ones. For those of you who don't know this, I used to work where Leo is currently employed so it was strange to be back in the building again...strange but also really nice and familiar. (if that makes any sense at all) I was immediately overwhelmed by the number of people who took time out of their busy work day to come and support us through kind and encouraging words and thoughtful gifts.

The second shower was hosted last Saturday by my mom, sisters and nieces. I think it is safe to say that Jacob now has a closet full of clothes, nicely organized by size, at least a dozen blankets, some hand made and others store bought. One in paticular, I will cherish forever. It was given to me by my Mom and it was made with material that she had literally held on to for years - since my little brother Mario was born. She had purchased it for Mario's Winnie the Pooh themed nursery but when he got sick, the material was never used. Instead, she held on to it...until now.

Of course, as soon as I read the card that explained all of this, the tears came. First, I felt sad - for my Mom's pain at that time and for her loss, even now. Then I felt sad because the reality is, Jacob will never know who my brother was with his comedic personality and his great big heart. But then in a blink of an eye, my heart felt really full and I felt nothing but love. Love for my Mom - for choosing Jacob to receive this memory filled and heart felt gift and for my sisters and nieces for all of the carefully thought out details and the hard work that went into this shower.

I am officially 37 weeks pregnant and excited with anticipation of Jacob's arrival. This past Friday was my last day at work and I am definitely planning on taking advantage of this time to organize and prepare but also to relax and rest up for what promises to be a very different life for Leo and I. I'm ready - without a doubt in my mind. I'm not nervous or scared. I've had a long time to think, prepare, enlist help, ask questions and get answers. I know that parenting isn't black and white. It's doing what feels right and ensuring that everything you can do, you make a point to do.

In the last few months, Leo and I have come to realize that we have been blessed with an amazing circle of family and friends - a village of people who have been there for us, from day one and we will probably never be able to fully describe how thankful we are for each and every one of you for your love, support and thoughfulness. I guess that is what they mean by it taking a village to raise a child = our village is definitely made up of people who we love, cherish and respect - what more do we need?

Jacob's Parents

Image provided by Ravenessences

I've been having more than my usual share of random thoughts lately. Like wondering that color eyes Jacob will have, will he be a lefty or a righty, will he have his Dad's smile or mine or more importantly, where will we draw the line in the sand with regards to disciplining him.

I've also been thinking a great deal about the things I want to instill in him - to ensure that he will be a beautiful person inside and out. And not just to the people he is naturally drawn to but to everyone he comes into contact with. This includes the people who will challenge him, offend him and even anger or upset him because I truly believe that being "ugly" to someone will only further aggravate the situation and absolutely nothing good can come out of it.

I want Jacob to be respectful of others; respectful of their religious preferences and their lifestyles. I want him to see that the best way to live your life is to lead by example, not by judging others or throwing stones. I want him to be a happy child, confident and filled with the belief that he can do anything he puts his mind to. For him to feel loved always but also to feel secure enough to go out into the world - when it is time - to live his own life, find his life's passion and enjoy all of the experiences out there waiting for him.

I want him to feel good about his upbringing, knowing that we did the best we could and for him to do the same with his own children. I want him to play fair and take a loss like anyone should - with grace. When he is old enough, I want him to be aware that their are children out there who don't have what he has -
forget the cell phone, the WII games or the nike shoes - kids who don't even have a roof over their heads and food to eat.

I want Jacob to do whatever suits him - whether it is sports or joining clubs and organizations at school or just spending time with his friends. Or not. Because Jacob will have choices. Some of the basic choices, we will make for him, especially early on but when he is old enough, it will be up to him to decide. Of course, we'd love to see him go to College but if it's not in the cards, again, we will respect his decision because only he can decide what is best for him.

All of these things are important to me. I've lived my life a certain way partly because it is in my nature but also because I believe that my parents, relatives, friends and co-workers instilled these things in me over the years. I want the very same for Jacob - constantly inspired and motivated by those around him to do more, live life to it's fullest and learn from and appreciate every person who is put in his path. I am positive that Leo and I will make many, many mistakes along the way but we are also ready and willing to learn from them and figure out how best to handle the situation the next time around.

For years, we've been praying and waiting for this new chapter in our lives to begin - it sort of feels like we've won the lottery and because of that, we want to ensure that Jacob has every possible opportunity to live a happy life that is full of great memories, amazing experiences, friendship, love, hard work and fun. No rock left unturned. Whatever obstacles come our way, (and there will be many, I'm sure) we will do whatever it takes - together - to get through to the other side, still feeling utterly blessed and grateful for the opportunity to be Jacob's parents.

(I still LOVE the sound of that!)

Enjoy your Sunday! 

Missy  

Showers of Love

Image Courtesy of Sweet Little Smoothie

The idea of me having a baby shower, much less four is still crazy sounding to my very own ears. Even with two very beautiful showers already come and gone and one tomorrow, I am still waiting for someone to pinch me or for the morning light to bring the realization that the past few months have been nothing but a really sweet dream.

Crazy, I know but I've been literally dreaming about this magical time in my life for nearly 10 years. Even longer if you count the time I spent daydreaming prior to me meeting Leo - soon to be known as Jacob's Dad. (I LOVE the sound of that!) Ever since I was a little girl, I dreamed about having a family and in less than 6 weeks, my dream will finally come true.

A few weeks ago, the women that I work with at the University of La Verne threw me a baby shower - and what a shower it was! Everything was so incredibly perfect and beautiful, from the carefully thought out menu to the decorations and environment in which it all played out in. I felt completely loved and supported.

Then a few weeks later Leo's family threw us another shower - this time it was a surprise and yes, I was in fact very surprised. I was thinking we were about to celebrate Leo's sister's birthday so we even showed up with gift in hand. Words could never fully express how nice it was to be able to celebrate this miracle that is about to arrive in just a few weeks with Leo's parents, siblings, aunts, cousins and close friends of the family.

Both days will be moments in both our lives that we won't ever forget. Without a doubt.

Tomorrow is my friend's shower and I am very excited about it. Excited to see faces I haven't seen in days,  months and even years. A few I haven't seen since High School - nearly 20 years ago to be exact. What a special day this is bound to be. Many of them have been supporting me for years via email, facebook, cards, phone calls and text messages. Some of them are previous co-workers from the many jobs I've had over the years. And others I've met through fundraising events I've organized and parties I've attended. Yes, it will be another great moment and I can't wait.

I guess that is the best part about rainy days - there will always be a rainbow at the end to look forward to. That's how I look at this whole experience. I had to go through some rain to get to the sunny, clear days filled with lots and lots of color. And if anyone ever asked me if it was worth it, without even hesitating, I'd say most definitely YES!

Thank you for supporting me through my rainy days!

Enjoy the Day!
Missy