Being Thankful

Jacob has a cold. I had hoped to keep him healthy for at least a couple of months but I came down with a sore throat and sniffles on tuesday night so I suppose it was only a matter of time before he caught it. Poor baby. I called his pediatrician to arm myself with some much needed advice before heading into the weekend but was informed that we really can't give him any medicine: only vicks vapor rub and a humidifier to ease the congestion and of course, we will be monitoring his temperature.

It's still hard to believe that Jacob's finally here. When I go to sleep every night and when I wake up every morning, he's the first person I think about. He's all I can think about these days. (I hope all of you can hang in with me and resist un-following me to get away from the constant "Jacob babble.") I just can't help it - he's so easy to fall in love with, with his big brown eyes, chubby cheeks and button nose. He's smiling more and more every day and my favorite thing this week has been when he falls asleep with his head on my shoulder, his body all curled up like a ball. This must be what pure joy feels like.

The cozy recliner we bought for his room has finally arrived - we plan to pick it up from Babies R Us this weekend. I'm really looking forward to the time Jacob and I will spend in it, rocking and reading to him just before bed time. I hope to grow his book collection for just this reason. I loved reading as a child and still do to this day. It's sort of a passion of mine that started very early for me so I'd love to pass it on to him.

Thanksgiving is less than a week away and I'm looking forward to spending time with family. This year I have SO much to be thankful for, I almost feel guilty because I really couldn't ask for anything more. I've got the guy, the house and now the beautiful baby boy. Even still, it's impossible for me to forget about those who are still struggling to conceive. I continue to pray that their dream of being a mom will come true very, very soon. 

Christmas will be here before we know it. I keep pondering the idea of decking the halls for Jacob's first christmas but the task is not an easy one. It typically takes me a full day so the idea of doing it all in one day this year is nearly impossible. So the question is, do I brave the feat and do it over a couple of days while he naps? or just forego the decking of the halls altogether this year? I'm still not sure but will need to make a decision soon to make it worthwhile. There's nothing worse than feeling as though you had just put the decoration up only to take them all down.

Only one thing will be missing this holiday season and that is my mom's presence. As some of you may already know, she lives in Utah but it's times like these when I wish she still lived in California. Truth be told, I am (secretly) hoping her hubby will give in and send her to California for a few days even if it is just before or after Christmas but I'm also preparing myself in case it doesn't happen.

Well, I guess I am done rambling for one day. I leave you all with my thankful list for 2011 and if I don't post again before then, I want to wish you a very Happy Thanksgiving and as always, thank you for listening (reading)!

This year, I am thankful for:

1. My husband - An amazing provider who also happens to be my very best friend
2. My baby boy - you are truly a miracle and I couldn't imagine loving you any more than I already do!
3. My mom - for giving us so many wonderful family traditions that I look forward to sharing with Jacob
4. My family - for your love, encouragment and support

5. My friends - for the laughter and joyful memories
6. My fellow blogger friends - for inspiring me never to give up and to always hold on to hope!
7. My cats - because they bring us so much joy
8. My home - of twelve years that is filled to the brim with love, warmth and great memories

9. My job - because it allows me to be me: organized, creative, crafty and a little bit of a control freak!
10. EDD - because without it, I wouldn't be able to stay home with Jacob until January 3rd!
  

Enjoy the Weekend! 

Missy    

One Month

It's hard to believe that Jacob will be one month old tomorrow. Someone pinch me -I have a one month old who is currently sleeping soundly just a couple feet away.

I am also SO very happy and a little relieved to report that I am officially (almost) back to normal. Sure, I'm still tired half the time but sleep deprived, I'm not anymore and my hormones seem to be better balanced. No more crying fits. No more feeling completely overwhelmed.

The week that Leo went back to work was scary but as the days passed, I felt more and more confident in my ability to care for Jacob's needs. I even braved our first trip out of the safety of our home by attending a Mom's Group meeting. Afterwards, we headed to Babies R Us to pick up some more formula. All in all, it was a successful trip and I was so glad I did it. It felt great to be able to share Jacob's birth story with the other moms and to hear their stories.

Now, as we head into the one month mark, our day-to-day schedule is slowly but surely coming together and I am definitely able to navigate better through the day's events. (Yay Me!) Bathtime is definitely by far one of my favorite events of the day. I typically bathe him in the kitchen sink because it's the perfect size and it has a window that overlooks the backyard. As soon as I get the temperature just right, I place him in the bubbly water and his whole body immediately relaxes. He kicks his legs as if he is trying to swim, staring out the window, sucking on his tiny little fingers. I love it.

Jacob had his very first doctor's appointment two weeks ago and he was given a clean bill of health. He also weighed in at a healthy 8 lbs. 7 oz. and I'm sure he's gained even more weight since then. We've had several visitors stop by to meet baby Jacob over the past few weeks. I try to take a picture of them holding Jacob for his scrapbook and I also plan to take a picture of him every month leading up to his first birthday to document the changes in him that we are bound to miss or overlook over the next year.

We also received his social security and his medical insurance card in the mail. I literally stared at his social security card, tracing his name with my finger trying to soak it all in. It still amazes me that my little bean is finally here. I have a son and tomorrow he will be one-month old. So perfect and still so new.

A Joyful Mess

Photo by: True Emotions Photography

The first two weeks were filled with lots and lots of firsts.

The first diaper change, the first bath, the first smile (most likely caused by gas) and the first of many photos. But the one thing that surprised me the most was how overwhelming it felt at times. No doubt, my hormones were a mess and I'm sure lack of sleep played a part as well but nothing could have prepared me for the vast array of feelings and never-ending questions I'd have those first two weeks.

My Mom helped a great deal by answering my random but still very important (to me) questions but my feelings on the other hand were sometimes difficult to address. I just felt terribly overwhelmed, inadaquate, scared and unsure of my ability to care for this little baby boy. In hind-sight, I did a pretty darn good job figuring out when he was hungry or needing a diaper change right from the start but at the time, I second guessed myself a lot, even despite Jacob's apparent contentment.

I also cried at the drop of a hat, no matter what time of day or night and once I got started, I found it was very difficult to stop. And each time, I'd feel SO terribly guilty because I kept thinking, "I should be the happiest Mom on the planet right now - why am I crying?" This question would undoubtedly make me cry even more.

I cried when my Mom had to go back to Utah and when Leo had to go back to work. And most especially when I ran into breastfeeding issues. (The kind volunteer at the Healthy Beginnings Clinic had to console me for 15-minutes after she asked the very simple question, "How was your weekend?")

Thankfully, in between the tears, I have also had many, many moments of pure happiness. Like that first night when I spent hours just staring at him from my bed side. The first time Leo held him and the pride I felt just watching them in the moment. The adorable way he sighs when he's eating, as if it's the best meal he's ever had and the first time I caught a glimpse of a smile on his adorable little face. The first time he clutched my finger tightly, his tiny little fingers curled ever so carefully and the very first time he feel asleep in my arms.

Truth be told, being a new Mom is scary. Probably because I don't have any past experiences to fall back on and and it's easy to fear the unknown because we waited so long for him. I can't imagine enduring a serious illness or even worse, losing him. So I just pray to God that he stays healthy and happy and in time, I am sure my confidence in taking caring of him will improve. Sleep is still difficult these days but thankfully, as we round out the middle of our third week together, I am finally starting to feel like myself again - happy and optimistic.

Nothing can really prepare you for the host of emotions you feel when giving birth to your first-born. I thought I had done my due dilligence. Boy, was I wrong. But even still, it is all worth it to have this little bundle of joy to swaddle, bathe, dote on and love unconditionally. He truly IS my heart and I thank God every day for his presence in our ever-changing life.

I suppose the tears were inevitable but they always eventually dry up and are soon replaced with feelings of pure love and joy for my little boy who has made me a humble, joyful mess.

A joyful mess = I'll take it...and own it!

Enjoy the Day!

Missy