My miracle took 9 years. And even now, It's almost impossible for me to forget. And maybe I don't want to as crazy as that may sound.
Being labeled "infertile" was all I knew until just a little over a year ago. Until then, I woke up nearly every day wondering when I would become a Mom. Naturally, there were moments in between when I would throw my hands in the air and vow to move on but it just wasn't possible because usually within a day or two I was back to praying - wishing - hoping for a miracle.
How could I ever let go of this dream?
It wasn't as if I was wishing to be rich or famous. I wasn't dreaming of going to Europe or fancying an expensive sports car with all the bells and whistles. I didn't yearn to be a Pulitzer Prize winner or even a candidate for the Nobel Peace Prize. My dream was simple and very natural because of the obvious - with my being a woman and all. And never in a million years could I have ever guessed that I would one day face two miscarriages, a failed artficial insemination and a infertility diagnosis but I am so glad that I didn't give up. I have always tried to look at the bright side of things so when I think of the past 9 years, this is what I focus on:
1. My husband and I got to travel
2. I was able to figure out what I was meant to do in life
3. I never would have had the chance to connect with you!
4. I may not have started writing again
Today, I am a Mom and I couldn't be happier with that fact. And my heart will never forget the past 9 years but I am more than okay with that because it wasn't all bad. In fact, there were some pretty wonderful memories in there too. And I wholeheartedly believe that I am a better person and a better Mom today as a result.
I made many mistakes along the way and I endured more than I ever thought was possible but I also persevered and I learned so much about inner strength and the power of human connection - even when the connections are solely made through blog posts, emails and Facebook comments. (I could never really thank you all enough!)
Today and always, I truly hope that I can still be here for those of you who are still praying, wishing and hoping for a miracle. I say this often but I could never really say it enough - never lose hope!
Enjoy the day!
Missy
Visit Faces of Loss/Faces of Hope at: http://facesofloss.com/
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Monday, March 5, 2012
He's Sick and I'm a Mess
That's right my little boy is sick again with what appears to be yet another cold - poor baby.
I was at work this evening when Leo called me to find out where the fever medicine was when I immediately remembered that I had left it at the babysitter's the last time he was feverish so I quickly grabbed my purse and went straight to Target's pharmacy. Of course there were way too many options on the shelf so I went to the pharmacy counter next where several people were already waiting in line. I couldn't wait a minute longer so I began to repeatedly say, "excuse me" to the pharmacists until one of them finally looked up.
"Is there someone who can help me figure out what kind of fever reducer to buy?" The lady with a pair of purple rimmed spectacles seemed to look down her nose at me until I told her Jake's age and she immediately agreed to look at the many options I had been holding in my hands. She even offered to look up the proper dosage amount for his weight and thankfully nobody in line seemed to be upset - probably because they could read, "new mom" all over my frazzled forehead. after I purchased the medicine I raced home only to find a smiling baby - at least for awhile.
He's in bed now fast asleep but he's definitely feverish and he sounded pretty congested until I slathered on the Vick's vapor rub, just like my own Mom did when I was little. I keep checking his temperature and thankfully, it's just a low-grade fever but something tells me that I won't be getting much sleep tonight. All in all though, I think I handled my first "Jake's got a fever" phone call at work really well. Exhibit A: I didn't panic and Exhibit B: I didn't shed a tear because let's face it, we all know that I am generally fully capable of this kind of reaction or rather, over-reaction.
I just sprung into action - sure I may have ran through the Target parking lot and proceeded to continue running once inside the store but I did it in a orderly fashion - being careful not to run into anyone or anything for that matter. I also managed to keep my wits about me as well as my manners by saying "excuse me" instead of "hey you!" and most importantly I got home in one piece without incident (Thank you, God)
Enjoy your evening!
Missy
I was at work this evening when Leo called me to find out where the fever medicine was when I immediately remembered that I had left it at the babysitter's the last time he was feverish so I quickly grabbed my purse and went straight to Target's pharmacy. Of course there were way too many options on the shelf so I went to the pharmacy counter next where several people were already waiting in line. I couldn't wait a minute longer so I began to repeatedly say, "excuse me" to the pharmacists until one of them finally looked up.
"Is there someone who can help me figure out what kind of fever reducer to buy?" The lady with a pair of purple rimmed spectacles seemed to look down her nose at me until I told her Jake's age and she immediately agreed to look at the many options I had been holding in my hands. She even offered to look up the proper dosage amount for his weight and thankfully nobody in line seemed to be upset - probably because they could read, "new mom" all over my frazzled forehead. after I purchased the medicine I raced home only to find a smiling baby - at least for awhile.
He's in bed now fast asleep but he's definitely feverish and he sounded pretty congested until I slathered on the Vick's vapor rub, just like my own Mom did when I was little. I keep checking his temperature and thankfully, it's just a low-grade fever but something tells me that I won't be getting much sleep tonight. All in all though, I think I handled my first "Jake's got a fever" phone call at work really well. Exhibit A: I didn't panic and Exhibit B: I didn't shed a tear because let's face it, we all know that I am generally fully capable of this kind of reaction or rather, over-reaction.
I just sprung into action - sure I may have ran through the Target parking lot and proceeded to continue running once inside the store but I did it in a orderly fashion - being careful not to run into anyone or anything for that matter. I also managed to keep my wits about me as well as my manners by saying "excuse me" instead of "hey you!" and most importantly I got home in one piece without incident (Thank you, God)
Enjoy your evening!
Missy
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